Thursday, April 29, 2010

yesterday-- falafel for lunch.  4 big ones, a big pita, salad... very full and bloated afterwards.  Should know not to eat that.  Have been doing a great job keeping away from the chocolate for sale right next to my desk.  I guess if money is involved I won't be tempted.
Need to continue my water intake.  Instead I have been downing colas... diet but still.  I will make myself a rule-- no soda until I have at least a full liter of water.  And then only one.  And after that one, must have the 2nd liter before I have any more.
Last night I didnt exercise either because we had a girls night-- watched forgetting sarah marshall (so funny) and ate pizza and tortilla chips and dip.  I had almost 3 glasses of wine.. booo.  I purged some of the pizza when I got home.. maybe a slice.  I still feel fat this morning 144.2.... yesterday morning I was 142.8.
Today I am supposed to go to a mexican restaurant for dinner.  I have an Ednos friend at work though who is probably going, so she can keep my hands out of the chip bowl.. or maybe I should just say I need to pack... which I do

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

new post... better picture.  So this is what Byron gave me.. the guy from Vegas that I met that I have now become obsessed with.  Before you think "cocky".. I asked for it... although I didn't really realize that this is what I was getting... actually I had no idea.  what kind of person is all buff and stuff underneath normal business clothes?  NOT ME!!!!  But... I obviously need to be.  I was SO good yesterday until dinner.
Breakfast- 1 english muffin with ricotta cheese (175).  Snack- Granola Bar, Coffee (190), Lunch - Soup (110), Snack- String Cheese (90) Dinner- Leftover Pasta (400), Snack- Popcorn :(300?).
I wish I hadn't eaten that popcorn. So I ended the day around 1300, rounding up.  Went to the gym too and did 30 minutes on the bike, level 8 intervals, and leg presses and chest presses.  Looking in the mirror I felt a little trimmer... but I really don't know. I don't weigh anything trimmer so thats not saying much

Monday, April 26, 2010

How many people here read their blog subscriptions in google reader?  I do... and have you ever noticed that some people's blogs only show the first little section, instead of the whole thing?  It is quite annoying, because you have to click on it to see the entire blog, when really i like to have everything all in one space.  The only thing I can think is that it has to do with that "content warning" some people put up.  Honestly I don't know how important the content warning really is... unless you are writing hardcore entries like Ana, who doesn't even write anymore. Sooo... i would appreciate it if the content warning came off.. but thats just me :)

Saturday I did end up going to the gym for a while 1 hr of cardio, and then chest/arm/back exercises.  I enjoyed myself... but then I came home and laid in bed and watched tv the rest of the day.  My legs hurt, everything hurt!  I went out with friends that night and had a good deal of wine, and unfortunately when I came home I thought it would be acceptable to make myself a quesadilla.  Ugh.
Sunday I also exercised-- 1 hr of cardio and abs, and a few leg lifts while I watched desperate housewives.  I also lugged some boxes into my new apartment.. which is up a lot of stairs!  I went to taco mac for lunch... so much for not eating out for a month.  Queso... such a bad idea.  After my workout I had a healthy smoothie, and for dinner I had shrimp and pasta... a little too rich for me but oh well.

Today-- I plan on having an english muffin with ricotta cheese, a granola bar, a can of progresso soup, and for dinner the left over shrimp/pasta madness.  I also plan on exercising when I come home from work... I have been doing level 8 intervals on the elliptical... when I was in highschool a trainer told me that the only way you see results is if you are doing level 10... but I am working my way up!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

it is a lazy saturday.
i need to get my butt to the gym and work out since its pouring down rain, and none of my friends want to get together.
i have already spent $500 over my budget for this month because of the Vegas trip... so I can't do anything fun at all until... well, never.
even on May 1st, when I get paid again, I have to pay rent at my new apartment, and half a month's rent at the old apartment.  oh AND the old apartment is telling me that actually I need to pay a full month's rent there because I didn't give 60 days notice... WTF!?  How does that even work?  I signed a 12 month lease... shouldn't the lease just be over in 12 months?  Maybe they will work with me.. I really cannot afford $2000, when I only get paid $3,000 a month.
I need to get my life in order.

Byron is taking up all my thoughts.  My friend sent me pictures of the two of us from the night we met, I have a drooping chin, and I had to crop out my stomach.  I need motivation to work out and feel good.

Yesterday I did well food wise until dinner-  I had pinapple, carrots, and 3 cubes of cheese, as well as a few sips of frappucino while at work.  I got home and went to the gym for 40 minutes...probably not burning anything.. then I made a bag of chicken stirfry and 2 peices of texas toast, and ate the ENTIRE thing!!!  The stirfry was 600 cals, and the bread was 360.  Oh and I had some wine too.  At least I rounded out the day not TOOO bad.  I was at 144.4 this morning.  Maybe I'll spend the entire day exercising.  I don't see why not.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

i have been in vegas-- a little trip to celebrate the end of tax season with my girfriends.  SO fun.  We drank... A LOT.  and I met a boy at a club and fell in love.  His name is Byron and he lives in Denver... so we will obviously be seeing a lot of each other (ha).  I do think he is just wonderful... and I like him a lot because he is so far away!  I have decided I am great at committing when I don't have to actually commit.
We took zantrax to stay awake and walked A LOT... so luckily my heavy drinking was negated and I came back no heavier than when I left... I was a little worried about that but it ended up being no big deal.
Vegas is.. crazy.  Expensive... intoxicating.  I want to go back... and not go back ever again.
I am sleeping with the guy in the previous post still.  After my whining... I just called him and he took me to dinner and we had wonderful sex.  And we talked about how we don't want a relationship at all... he seemed worried that I would change my mind.... NOT for him!  I texted him on the planeride back and he came over last night too... He couldn't perform.  It was embarrassing because we haven't been "together" that long.  Oh well... I had him service me, and then asked him to leave so I could get some sleep.  He mumbled something about being really busy for the next week or two... whatever.
I called Byron after he left and talked to him for 2 hours.  I am exhausted today!
Yesterday I ate oatmeal, a small smoothie from Smoothie King, two mini pb eggs, coffee, and 2 beers.  I didn't have time to work out because my bootycall was coming over, but I didn't eat hardly anything so I figured no big deal.  I could have gone to bed without any more food but after being on the phone with Byron I got hungry and ate a bowl of chips.  Booo.
Today I will not exercise either.  I am going to my old college to a reception for a retiring professor.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

 Dear Zoe,

this is a post just for you.  i am going to tell you all the things i did in my life (its not much longer than yours, but the difference between 17 and 24 is immense)... and i hope you can take some solice in the fact that you ARE young, and have many years to NOT make mistakes.

When I was 16 I had sex with Alex- I met him in the dominican on a family vacation.  I loved him instantly.  He took me to his prom (we lived 5 hours apart), and we did it after prop like you always hear about.  I was so drunk... I wasn't ready, but I just wanted to be grown up.  It was a bad idea.  We just did it that one time... I had to go back home, he went to college a year before me, and we have only seen each other randomly since then.  I love him still I think... but possibly because I have never spent enough time with him to ever learn the annoying things about him.
When I was 16 I became very aware of my body.  17 and 18 were the years where I decided I was not interested in being overweight.  Everyone at my school had SOMETHING.  I had nothing.  I was a wannabe dancer, a wannabe singer... I wanted something.  I starved myself for two years.  I remember the day I started...  probably the single most defining day of my life.  I wrote in a diary how much I weighed, and vowed never to weigh that much again.  I researched tips and tricks for losing weight... I started taking diet pills.  I would wake up early in the morning and do an exercise video before my parents woke up, then I would go to the gym after dinner for 2 hours.  Senior year of highschool I was at 122... I think that was my lowest weight.  Looking back... that was really skinny for my body type... but I didn't care.  I would eat in the morning, yogurt or toast or something, then starve until dinner, and pick at my food.. whatever it was.  I remember my parents finding my ephedrine-- this diet drug that got recalled after it gave people heart attacks.  I bought it online and took it all the time.  I was defiant.. I just wanted to be thin... and I applied to colleges as far away as possible in order to avoid having to listen to anyone else.  Senior year of highschool I slept with my next boy-- Austin.  He loved me.  We dated for 3 weeks before we had sex.  It was such a bad idea.  Our entire relationship was based on physical desire.  I just wanted someone to love me... I was scared about moving to a new state for college and not knowing anyone.  Obviously it didn't last... I regret it. Advice-- sex is supposed to be something good...don't do it just because you want to "get it over with"
In college I had a random hook up with some random guy... I honestly don't remember his name.  It didn't make me feel good in the morning... just stupid.  I think it was at this point that I started equating sex with love.  They are not the same thing.   I started sleeping with another guy and I "fell in love with him"... he cheated on me... but I didn't seem to even notice because I "was in love."
The one thing I did do that I will never regret is pick Accounting as my major.  Two things in life are sure-- death and taxes.  I will never be without a job, and I can always support myself.  I have a sense of accomplishment knowing that if I am alone (like I am now), I don't have to worry.  I have a skill that is in high demand, and my firm is hiring in a terrible recession.  Advice- pick a major that has a sustainable career at the end of the degree.  It is all well and good to major in what you love.. but it doesn't pay the bills.  My best friend graduated with an English degree.  She can talk for hours about books, and write essays in her sleep, but she waits tables for a living, and is having to go back to college to get an education degree so she can actually do something respectable.
I started dating George as soon as I broke up with the cheater.  Pretty much instantly actually.  I spent no time at all in college being single, except for a few weeks at the beginning after Austin and I broke up.  Another mistake.  I refused to learn how to be by myself.  I can take care of myself... yes, but today.. this is my first experience truly alone, without anyone as a crutch.  I leaned on him and grew to love him... actually I grew to ignore or change the things I did not love about him.  His addictive personality... smoking weed, cutting class, having no regard for the future, and no ambitions.  I tried to mold him into someone who would be what I needed.  Truly he was my best friend for many years.  An opposite of me really.. a half to make me whole. 
When I was 20 I got arrested for underage drinking.  Try not to do this.  I went to a party school.... almost everyone I knew got arrested, but still.. I have a record now, and that really sucks.  I don't see anything wrong with drinking... but if you are underage.. just do it in private.. not at a bowling alley where you pass out in the bathroom.
I moved to another country for a semester and had no more crutch.  My first experience of freedom really... and I loved it.  I felt out of control... but I COULD control food, and exercise.  Bulimia was my best friend.  I lost almost 20 pounds in the 3 months I was there. Getting down to my high school weight 122 and fitting into a dress my 9 year old cousin lent me.  122 may seem like a lot... but I didn't have even one ounce of fat on me.  Body type I guess...  I kissed another American.  I felt the love welling up in me again. I didn't sleep with him.  I did tell George.  He has held it over my head for 4 years... Advice-- don't tell.  It doesn't make things better.  I told him about my control issues... and he held that over my head too.  Just... keep quiet about the things in your life that are shocking.  or type it out here.  You don't need judgment.  People here don't judge.
I moved to Atlanta after I graduated with my undergrad degree and started an internship with an Accounting firm.  George was losing me.  He proposed to me because he realized that I was the one good thing in his life.. I was stable, smart, strong, ambitious.. everything he needed.  I was his crutch.  I said yes because I didn't want to say no.  We had talked about marriage... I didn't want to, but I didn't want to break up.  He was my crutch.  Never having to face the world alone... so I said yes.  He failed miserably the next year while I was in graduate school.  He had one class to take and refused to get a job.  He just went into debt, sat around smoking weed and apparently drinking like a fish.
I never noticed any of this... I was too busy studying in order to make sure my future... OUR future.. would be a good one.  Advice-- don't count on anyone else to support you.  I think I already gave that one to you... okay how about this-- don't do something you don't want to do just because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, and don't make life changing decisions you know in your heart are wrong.
When I graduated and moved back to Atlanta, we moved in together.  We fought all the time.  He couldn't find a job... hadn't had a job in a year.. I started starving for a wedding I didn't even want.  I spent money I didn't have because it made things "better".  I went into $5000 of debt to avoid the fact that we were unhappy.  I purged every day.  EVERY DAY.  When I started working and got insurance... I found out that I had 6 cavities... most likely from throwing up every day for months and months.  Advice-- don't throw up... think of a different way to relieve stress.  Even though I don't have George in my life anymore, I am still a "stress bulimic"... whenever I get stressed out (during tax season), the first place I head is the bathroom.  I don't even binge... I just... have it ingrained in my head that the act of purging makes the bad things go away.  I feel way better after I do it... its weird.  Probably not something for you to start, okay?
George started pushing me around and getting violent.  He got drunk and angry at the fact that I was the only one supporting us.  I started eating... I started staying late at work to avoid any confrontation.  He crashed my brand new car driving intoxicated.  I made excuses for his behavior.  I believed every lie he told me.  Advice-- if you catch someone in a lie... DO NOT continue to trust them.  One lie will lead to another.  Some people are good at manipulating a situation and changing the way reality is viewed.  Be careful of these people.. they will ruin your life.  I married George at the court house-- after he beat me up once.  I was afraid to lose what I had.  Assumed that I could be happy without being in love.  He did it again...  Advice-- DO NOT stay in an abusive relationship.  It doesn't change, no matter how much you want it to.
We separated in December.  I forced him to move away and leave me alone.  It was really the hardest thing I've done... but if I am honest with myself, it has been the best experience ever.
You have read my recent posts... about my conquests for men.  I am damaged goods.  I am not looking for love... that didn't work out for me.  I am using sex as a means of control... because I can't control my life.  Well.. I am working on it... but you know... I am just... so damaged.  I can't lose the weight that George put on me.. the stress I carry around every day.  I can't even imagine giving everything I have to someone else.. trusting another human.  I just... won't do it.  DON'T let this happen to you.  The life I have right now is... FUN.. and I am still young so I think its acceptable... but do NOT aspire to be like me.  I sleep alone not because I want to... but because I am afraid of ever sharing that intimacy again.  It's only been a year since the violence started, and 5 months since the separation... I am sure that as time passes I will get better. 
So yes.. the boys I sleep with.. VERY cute...  VERY fun... but make sure that if thats what you decide to do... you don't do it in hopes of falling in love... because that is not how it works.

I love you Zoe,



Wednesday, April 14, 2010

i cannot believe i am obsessing over this.  how ridiculous.  just a stupid boy-- why do i care?  i guess because i put myself out there like.. totally.
i took advice and didn't message him after he said he would be busy Monday and Tuesday... Tuesday morning I got a FB message from the night before saying "And you were a good lay also... haha"
Sort of an afterthought?  A good one I think though.  At least I was on his mind.
So now it is Wednesday morning... and I am obsessing over this.  Will he call me tonight, will he not?  Of course I had two guys ask me to dinner this week... and had to turn both of them down **IN CASE** my stupid booty call actually calls.  WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF.
Showing Pictures:
His nice muscles....  if only the face was as good

and me: (right, obviously)

Monday, April 12, 2010

his reply to my FB message:

"haha thanks.  I had fun on friday thats for sure"

so i texted him and asked him to get together this week... he said he was busy today and tomorrow but maybe later. 

long post-- need advice

My weekend in a nutshell:

Friday I planned to only stay at the office a few hours... I had already done 40 hrs for the week, and I really didn't want to be there.  Then I found out that since I am not "busy", I would need to help those people who are doing individual returns (oh yes, because they helped me at the last deadline- HA)... so I ended up staying until 6, and then went home and did 40 minutes of cardio, then picked up some champagne and went to the divorce party.
Sprite was there--- I really don't like him.  The cling factor is immense... and he doesnt get it when I say something like "i need space", or "i just got out of a relationship".  Those are nice ways to say "I'm not interested"... but NOPE.  I tried to ignore him the best I could and hung out with the girls..  I downed a LOT of champagne, and sometime in the evening I am standing by the door, and a guy comes up to me and says..
"have a good night I am leaving"
I met him that night... knew his name and where he went to college, but thats it.
me: "why are you leaving?"
him: "I have to go to another party"
me: "oh, hold on... let me grab my bag, I am coming with you"

Just like that.. I ran off with some stranger.  God only knows why I thought that was a good idea.  The party was lame... he took me back to my house... and we had a LOT of fun.  It was only a tiny bit awkward to wake him up at 7:30 and say "can you take me back to my car now? I have to go to work"
He took me to my car and as I am about to get out he says "I don't have your number"
me: "No, you don't, but if you don't want it thats fine with me"
him:  "No, I'll take it."
me: "okay, have a good day"

So then I worked until 2:30... so hung over, and thinking about what had just happened.  I find out that morning that one of the girls is SO mad at me for leaving.  I don't exactly understand why... I guess because Sprite was at the party and I just left with another guy?  But she knows how I feel about Sprite... She knows I am not interested... so should I just make sure never to talk to any other guy when he is around just to save his feelings?!  That is something I refuse to do.  However.. I probably should not be pulling guys from the same pool over and over.  All these boys are people she went to highschool with.  Not necessarily all friends in highschool, but all friends/acquaintances now.
I smoothed things over with her, at least tried to... and went to the mall to shop for Vegas clothes.  Got some cute stuff... but nothing even remotely Vegasy lol.
I didn't eat until 7, when I finally got some mexican with a girlfriend.  We both complained heavily about having to go to a birthday party for a girl we don't like... and I was so exhausted I considered not doing anything, and just going to bed.  But... I promised... and I hate being one of those people.
It was alright... I drank a little bit, and went home at midnight, determined to sleep off hangovers.

Unfortunately it didn't work.. I was so tired, but woke up at 8 anyway.
I laid at the pool and read a book, then got dressed and went to the park with some friends to play on our kickball league.  The sun was intense, and I am bright pink today.  On my way, I got a text saying
"this is nathan, i dont know about you but I slept until noon today"....
The kid I just had sex with! YAY!! I didn't really understand this... I said
"i hate you" and "i slept until 8, it was awesome"
he says: "wow, sleeping in i see".
I guess this has to do with the fact that I had to wake up so early on saturday?
Kickball was fun! I got a run and an RBI.  We went to a bar afterwards with other kickballers and we played flipcup (I know... non USAers/those who didn't go to big party schools, don't know what this is... but look it up, it is SO FUN)...
When I got home Nathan had added me as a friend on FB.  I didn't know what to do... but I want to sleep with him again.. so I sent him a FB message that says

"Nathan.... you are a good lay.... let me know if you want to do that again haha"
And now it is the morning, and he hasn't responded to that... and I don't know what to think.  I don't know if he is not that type of guy... but I mean obviously he is if he just slept with me and knows nothing about me... or what if he is a relationship type of person like Sprite.  I considered that maybe he feels guilty for sleeping with me if he knew that Sprite liked me... but if he did then why would he text me?!  AND he and Steve became FB friends the same time he and I did... so he must not be close with him if they are only now just friends.
I am obviously reading way too into this.  I don't even know him... I don't even like him... but I REALLY could use good sex... and so do you think that I should send him a text today that says something along the lines of
"want to come over some time this week?"  or does that just make me sound like a whore?

who am I kidding... I am a whore.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Am I the only blogger in Atlanta?!
I was thinking about how Sarah and Rhianna met up one night.... and I wanted to talk about a well known restaurant here that I went to last night... but no one would know!  How do you search for other bloggers?  They don't make it very easy huh?
Or maybe I am just computerly challenged--- also very true.

Yesterday for breakfast I had yogurt and grapes
For lunch I had a southwester chicken salad... with blue cheese dressing :( But not too much.  The salad was good.  I made sure to eat all the beans and veggies before the chicken.  It was a lunch to discuss my progress at work.  My "coach" basically told me that I am not working enough hours and when he compares me to my peer group I don't stand out.  SERIOUSLY!?  First of all.. I work my butt off.  It is Friday morning, and I have already worked 40 hours this week.  So by the time I go home today, I will have worked at least 48.... How is that NOT ENOUGH!?!?!  I also have a peer group of 5 people.  Two of them are socially retarded.... I get brought out to clients to do work because I am social and can carry on conversations and... whatever.  They don't get brought out to clients because they are so weird.   One girl is NOT weird, but she got pigeonholed into one area when she started work, and that is all she can do... she has never touched what I have done, and the probability is that she never will.  And she doesn't get her hours in because the work she is pigeonholed to do is not keeping her busy enough.  Then one guy.. yes... I would consider his work high quality, his personality high quality, and his well roundedness high quality.  So there... out of the 5 people in my peer group... I feel like I am stronger than 4...
WHATEVER.  Thanks for lunch asshole... he is supposed to be my coach... he is supposed to stand up for me.
I ate more grapes, and matzo soup without the matzo.... and then I had 2 55calorie beers before dinner.
Dinner was at a place that is supposed to be amazing, and is extremely overpriced.  I didn't want anything on the menu.  I had a glass of wine and a calamari appetizer. I didn't like it.... I didn't finish it.

I won't be going back.  Needless to say I didn't get any exercise in last night.  Tonight my friends and I were supposed to go the lake but it fell through so we are having a "divorce" party for me. (I filed the paperwork this week :)
Still 145

Thursday, April 8, 2010

i used to have a handle on life..... and then it fell off.


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Last night--- did not go as planned.  HA.
I am throwing away the chips.
If I want the damn dip I am going to eat it with vegetables!
At least I ate some asparagus.  On the way home, I tried to talk myself out of the chips swimming in my head.  I told myself, okay, chips are fine, as long as you have your asparagus first.  So I did... then I ate chips!  Then I ate a fudge bar!  UGH.  I was too lazy to stick my hand deep into the spinach dip jar so I got out the guacamole flavored dip.  It is NOT very good.  More just like sour cream.  Should I throw it away or save it for a social gathering where I can pawn it off on my friends as a "contribution"?
Calories yesterday--- Breakfast and Lunch 760, dinner- asparagus (100? with oil), chips and dip 400? fudge bar 90
total: 1350  (can I do math? not quite sure).

Okay... I guess that isn't TERRIBLE.  It sure feels terrible
NEW PLAN--- NO CHIPS IN THE HOUSE!  I was also thinking that maybe the new plan should be no dinners.  However my friends already give me a hard time about my eating habits (the fact that i cannot cook to save my life and live off of chips all week), maybe I should go with a frozen lean cuisine or frozen bagged meal ( i could eat that for 2 meals).  The calories there are controlled.. which would be helpful.

Ughh just weighed in at 147.  Granted-- still have my period (I think yesterday I weighed in at 149, crazy what it can do to you!).
Breakfast today?  Hmmm 1 banana, 1 cup chocolate milk, blended with ice (300)
Lunch-- One large skinny latte, granola bar (250)
Dinner-- 20 almonds, 20 grapes, 1/2 cup edamame, carrots (350)

Hopefully I wont have to be at work so late and can get to the gym!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Breakfast and Lunch yesterday went off without a hitch.  No cheating at all.
However, I got a little devil on my shoulder around 8 when i was wrapping up at work saying "you should eat potato chips and dip when you get home".  I thought.. no... I shouldn't.  But I really wanted to.  So... thats what I did.  And a half quesadilla.  No asparagus for me... no skinny for me.  At least I didn't indulge in any chocolate... oh wait i also had a granola bar.
sooo.. quesadilla- 300, maybe less, chips and dip - 400, granola bar- 90.  So that puts me at 1490 for the day.  And I did a 30 minute bike ride (-100?).  I guess not toooooo terrible considering I have my period.

Today for breakfast-  english muffin with ricotta cheese, pear, and honey, chocolate milk- 350
Lunch- grapes (100), edamame (130), string cheese (90), carrotts (50), soda (0)- 370
Snack- granola bar (90)
Dinner- Asparagus (200)
Sounds good... if I can actually keep the dinner part up.  I just got a new dress. I am going to see if I can hang it near my pantry.

Monday, April 5, 2010

food today:

breakfast-  1 small banana, 1 cup chocolate milk, frozen fruit blended, coffee = 300 cals
lunch- cheese stick, 1 oz almonds, 1/2 cup edamame, 1 matzo, carrots = 400 calories
dinner- roasted asparagus = 200 calories??
snack- one piece of dark chocolate = 100 cals

exercise today:

30 minutes on elliptical, push-ups or arm exercises

I'll update to let you know how it goes

Sunday, April 4, 2010

for some reason weighing hasn't been a high priority for me recently.  i mean... i weigh every day... and i see the number and I think "oh i wish that would go down"... but i just go on with my day and try not to stress.
i bought healthy food yesterday at the grocery store.  food i wouldn't normally eat.  i found a magazine article about a diet for people who can't cook.... It included toast with ricotta and pear, chocolate milk with frozen fruit blended into a smoothie.
i feel like these foods are way of limits.... but if someone from health magazine is saying "eat these to lose weight"... should i believe them?
I am under the impression (wrongly, i know....well... i dont know but whatever) that the best thing to do is not put anything in my mouth.  Thats why I have no breakfast.  However by lunch time my brain feels weak and I eat something... and I probably don't eat enough and thats why I snack.  I went to the gym 4 times last week... weird.. I dont know why I was so into it, but I am glad!  I need to keep it up.  I am winded and dripping with sweat on the elliptical after 30 minutes... which means its working.

Sprite and I---- I dont know...  I don't like him.  I like him... but he is so awkward.  It's obviously not going to work.  When we went to the lakehouse last weekend... and he passed out before me, that was a sure sign.  You are probably thinking... what, thats weird?  why is that important?  It is.  Holding your alcohol like a girl is not something I look for in a man.  Especially if I wanted to get laid... which i did, but not with him.  He has only slept with one girl one time.... okay i know I shouldn't judge.. because some people chose to wait until marriage.  However... there are other people who would gladly NOT be waiting until marriage (Sprite)... but somehow can't get any.  I know exactly why.... because he falls all over himself for me, clings like static, and cannot carry a conversation through text/phone... and sometimes in person.  I called him out on being late to all of our dates (3), and told him I thought it was disrespectful.  Then I saw him out last night, and I tried to act nice, but I would come over to talk to him... and he would just stand there and have nothing to say.  Then I called him out on that too.  I was glad to get the date last night over with.  I went up to Monicas and he went back to his friend's house.. and my friend was there and said "Don't you know she is an accountant... the two biggest values she has are time and money".... oh did I mention that on our date he forgot his wallet?!?!?!?!
I want to hang out with that group because I really like them.. so I am nervous about breaking up with him... or like.. not going on any more dates..  I want to help him not be so awkward... he is a fabulous kisser and a really nice person, but I am so turned off by the cling and awkward conversation and the disrespectful behavior that I just don't think I am interested.

I am distracted.. I can't type anymore.  I keep meaning to link a picture to sprite, but I just don't even have the effort.  You can check back at my old posts

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I want to write but I don't have anything important to say.
Passover is so hard and I still have 6 days.  I ate an entire bag of almonds yesterday!!  So gross.
I have also decided that it gives me license to eat potato chips. Gross.  I am such a fatty.
Sprite came over last night and cooked me dinner and kissed me a little. 
I am less annoyed with him now.
My 4th grade boyfriend is chubby and gross and looks like Dwight from The Office.  And to think HE broke up with ME in 4th grade. 
I am moving... I found an attic apartment that is very small, but can fit most of my stuff... and so much cheaper.