Thursday, September 30, 2010

today for lunch i forgot they were offering free food... why can't i pass that up!?
I caved and I had some barbeque chicken (no skin), only about half a breast, and i had a third cup of mac and cheese, plain salad, and a miniature biscuit.  also i ate the graham cracker crust off of a pie.  Everything else was as planned... but I didn't eat my rice/veg for lunch.
SO.. I am punishing myself for dinner.  NO chicken... just green beans and edamame.
Will be at a 1,000 deficit if I don't screw this up!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

i have vowed to myself never to throw up again.. and I am sticking to that promise... but unfortunately, i ate 420 calories MORE than I burned today.  BUMMER.  If I want to stick to my goal, I need to have a deficit of 995 calories tomorrow-- that way I will have had a total deficit of 7,000 in the 2nd half of September (2 lb loss).
If I burn about 1700 cals a day, I can go to the gym to a spin class and burn about 400 (probably more.. but I need to be conservative), and then I would need to eat 595 calories less than 1700... 1100.
Eats: 1100 calories
Burn 2100 calories ---> total deficit, 1000

Doable?  MUST DO!
So tomorrow I will eat: 
Breakfast: 1/2 cup egg white and 2 slices of turkey bacon (175)
Snack: String Cheese (80)
Lunch: Valley Fresh Steamers Vegetables and Rice (270)
Snack: Carrots with 2 tbsp Hummus (230)
Dinner: Chicken Breast  and Green Beans (240)
TOTAL: 995

Yay for a plan!

Monday, September 27, 2010

i ate 1620 cals today.  my trainer had me buy healthy food--- chicken for dinner, egg whites and turkey bacon for breakfast.. and she wants me to do salad for lunch but i can't.  I said, I can do lean cuisines or lean pockets... and she basically yelled at me about sodium!  I said.. oh well.. I'm doing my best... one step at a time right?  I meant to eat a lean cuisine today but we had a "lunch and learn"... sandwiches and gross cookies.  I ate a sandwich but really I just ate the meat.. and like, possibly a slice of bread.  She told me that I should be having sandwiches with a tiny bit of bread or wrap... so I thought this was a perfect option.  They also had baked lays, and cookies... UGH.  But you know, I had a net -500 calories today (at least)... I went spinning and I had my PT.  I wonder how many calories I burn in 30 minutes of training.  We're constantly moving.. but I say its probably only 100/session.  Any ideas?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

my deficit plan is working well.  I need to up the exercise for sure... this week I've been bad.  But I have a little spreadsheet that shows my BMR+ calories burned through exercise, then I subtract out what I ate, and thats my deficit for the day.

I also like the website  They have A LOT of resources, including a "Challenge" where you post your deficit and compete with other people, or against yourself.   I started the challenge on the 15th at 149 lbs, and as of today I am at 147.  I want to lose weight faster, and I talked to my trainer about that.  She said that in order to lose weight faster I really need to stop drinking alcohol.  Can you believe it... how is that possible?  She is currently prepping for an interview for a video position, and is trying to get her body in the best shape possible.  She said that she is eating 1,000 calories a day and exercising like a maniac.  She sent me a meal plan:

Breakfast- 2 egg whites,  turkey bacon/turkey sausage
Snack- 60 calorie drink, or a piece of fruit
Lunch- salad with very little dressing and 1/2 serving of yogurt
Dinner- 3 grilled chicken tenderloins with steam broccoli

WOW.  How!?  She also mentioned that for lunch she might have half a wrap stuffed with turkey.
I've been eating subway sandwiches this week at work... no cheese (I don't even notice) and sweet onion dressing gets me to 320 calorie sandwich!  Maybe that should be more like dinner...

This week my goal is to stay under 1200 calories 5/7 days.  It's going to take some work but I know I can do it!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

So, for the past week i have analyzed my food meticulously like Piglet said she does.. I haven't been putting it on here because I've been participating in a "deficit competition" which keeps me pretty accountable.  Sadly.. I have realized that while I do eat healthy food... I eat too much of it.
Yesterday I had:
Zone bar
Hummus and Carrots
Lean Pocket
Rice Snacks
Total Calories: about 1700.  I burn what... about 1600?? and I had a 30 minute training session that burned about 100.  So... after I did my calculation, I had a net deficit of 66 measly calories!
It's no wonder that in a solid week, I have only a deficit of 3,050... not even a pound!

Moral of the story... I might be making healthy choices, but I'm eating too much.  Was at 1400 before I snacked on the rice cakes and had a glass of wine.  I want to aim to have a deficit of at least 500 calories/day.  That means either cutting my food down to 1100 calories or exercising more.  I know today I wont exercise (could have this morning if I had gotten my butt out of bed) because I have a date, so I guess that means low calorie food!
How about I go to subway for lunch.  6" Turkey Bread on Whole Grain with sweet onion sauce and no cheese (320).  Carrots (200).  Watermelon (100). Coffee (80).  Powerade (0). Gum (10).
610 before dinner with my date.  If I stick to 2 glasses of wine (300) and a small something, I'll be okay!

Friday, September 17, 2010

quick update post to scare you all...

i had to have my four back teeth all but removed to get the decay out from my bulimia over the last 6 years.  the four teeth second from the back also have deep cavities, but will not require root canals or extensive restoration.
i did this to myself
there is nothing else I can blame it on.  FOUR TEETH. ALL AT ONCE. COMPLETELY GONE.
Throwing up... in a good month, once, in a bad month, 20 times.... for six years.

Think before you puke, ladies.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Should have stayed away from the cheese after lunch.  Only a few bites, but not worth it. Also with the almonds.  Think my deskmate ate the rest though, luckily for me.  Had planned to work out today but it didn't happen.  Had to stay at work until 8pm and then headed straight over to my friend's.  Ate dinner at her house instead of my planned soup, but I think I still did pretty decently.  Shouldn't have had the glass of wine.  At first I said no, but for some reason I changed my mind.
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow at 9am.  I could possibly go to the gym before then and work out.  Is it worth it?  I'm pretty tired.

Planned Calories: 1140
Actual Calories: 1450


Smoothie 210
Almonds 160
Coffee 150
Cheese 100
Fruit 100
Buffalo Chk'n 360
EggRoll 140
Wine 150

Sunday, September 12, 2010

i put up a week's worth of meals that I plan to follow. I am pretty sure the number I saw on the scale this morning (152lbs) is the most I have ever weighed in my life.  Like.. EVER.  It's sad to think that I am no longer in control, and of something I CAN be in control of.
I think it is SO easy to cheat.  It's so easy to say... yeah, I'll have that cookie, or well, if its free, I guess I'll have an extra slice of pizza.  NOT ACCEPTABLE.  I am not poor, I don't need free food. I am not starving, I don't need to shovel food down in fear that I won't have any in the future.  Why do I act like that? Why can't I train my mind to realize that food is fuel?
I am making a grocery list, then I'll head to the gym and work out for an hour.  I'll go to the grocery store and grab the stuff for the healthy me, and be on my way to success!!!

My Weekly Plan

Monday Sept 13
Breakfast: Coffee with Creamer 80
Smoothie 210
Yogurt 90
Fruit 100
Juice 20
Lunch: Coffee 150
Snack: Fruit 100
Dinner: Soup 400
Croissants 200
Tuesday Sept 14
Breakfast: Oatmeal 100
Coffee with Creamer 80
Snack: Carrots 100
Lunch: Lean Pocket 290
Snack: Yogurt 90
Dinner: Soup 400
Croissants 200
Wednesday Sept 15
Breakfast Smoothie 210
Yogurt 90
Fruit 100
Juice 20
Coffee with Creamer 80
Lunch Sandwich 350
Bread 200
Turkey 50
Cheese 100
Carrots 100
Happy Hour Alcohol- ONE GLASS 200
Dinner Vegetables 300
Thursday Sept 16 OFF OF WORK
Breakfast Coffee with Creamer 80
Croissants 200
Lunch Soup 400
Dinner Out to Eat 800
Friday Sept 17 OFF OF WORK
Breakfast Smoothie 210
Yogurt 90
Fruit 100
Juice 20
Coffee with Creamer 80
Snack Fruit 100
Dinner Out to Eat 800

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Went to spin class this morning to banish some of the bad from yesterday.
I like Piglets daily food goal and how she actually sticks to it... but I'm afraid if I try something like that I will fail.   Senior year of college I marked my food down for a solid 2-3 months before spring break to get down in weight.. it definitely worked! I did measurements and everything... i wish I had that drive now!
What I really want is a diet plan.  Something to stick to.  Something where I can go to the grocery store with a list of things to buy, prepare them, and eat exactly what I had planned to eat the entire week.
Busy season is coming to an end.. I'm taking off the 16th and 17th from work just to relax.  Going to get up a massage, nails done, etc.  My treat for working so hard.  And maybe by the time the stress is gone, I won't feel compelled to shove food in my face?

Friday, September 10, 2010

SUchchhchchchchch a fattasss!!!!!  Seriously.. I ate 2 slices of pizza and some pasta, AND a cookie.  THEN i felt so bad about myself, I literally talked myself into going home and purging.   I LEFT MY JOB TO GO THROW UP.  I mean, I live 5 minutes away from work, but SERIOUSLY?!
Then of course, I ate more pizza, and 3/4 of a cookie.  Then I went for drinks.. 2.5 beers, and some chips.
I feel so disgusting.  I feel like a fat pig.
At least I am super full, and it's 10:30, and I can't do any more damage to myself today!
Yesterday I took a diet pill that I've had for a while.  Not sure if I can credit it to the fact that I had no solids, but maybe.
coffee (70)
coffee (120)
hot chocolate (20)
tea (10)
grapes (200)
sugar snap peas (130)
hummus and pita (200)
chips (300)
wine (300)
jelly beans (100)
waffle (100)
total: 1550

I'm just rounding on the grapes, chips, jelly beans, wine and hummus.  I know that the chips were less than 300 per the package, but I don't want to lie to myself and think I'm doing good when I'm not.
Today the office is ordering Pizza Hut for lunch.  Pizza and Pasta and Salad and Cookies... deadly combination.  I also have happy hour plans with a guy from work... so that will be calories.
I dont know why, but I feel like I just can't pass up free food.  I know I've mentioned this before... but i KNOW what pizza tastes like, I don't NEED it... and yet, I feel like if I only get salad I'll be depriving myself.  Maybe I should bring a tuperware and I can put a pizza in it for tomorrow.  I honestly though.. don't NEED pizza.  I shouldn't have it at all.  I shouldn't have cookies either.  Just the salad.  And my grapes.  And I should take that diet pill before lunch instead of before breakfast.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

it seems like everyone here is MIA...I guess I'm just blogging to myself?
Smoothie King AND Planet Smoothie were closed, so thought I would just not get breakfast.  Luckily, one of the partners brought in bagels, and I had forgotten I had a yogurt in the fridge.  For lunch I had my soup, and I also had a string cheese.
I did make it to spin class and I kicked my ass!  Then I had a date where I got a glass of wine, and NO food.  Pretty sure I didn't eat too much today... no candy, ooh a handful of almonds.

Today I am having 3 mini croissants for breakfast and a small yogurt.  I have no idea how many calories they are... must figure that out.  Then I'm going out for lunch with my girfriend.  Usually at this restaurant I get the grilled cheese but I'm going to aim for something a bit healthier, since I'm doing well with eating and exercising so far this week.  I bought grapes, carrots, and hummus for work snacks, but I'm not sure what I want today.  Grapes I guess.  And for dinner who knows.. everything i have you need to "prepare."  Maybe some morning star burger or chikn?
Today is going to be a good day.  I am going to make sure I do a great job!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Ahhh, 7:30am on Labor Day and I've just finished a tough workout with my trainer.  Need to grab a quick shower and then go off to work!  It feels good that I've already worked out.. like a foot in the right direction.  I'm going to go to smoothie king for breakfast-- I plan on getting a "pineapple pleasure."  It has pineapple, banana, papaya... a lot of carbs, but the good kind!  if smoothie king is not open, I guess I'll go to Planet Smoothie...
Soup for lunch, and hopefully I'll be feeling good enough to go to spin class tonight at 5:30.  I know I just worked out but I'd love to kick-start this week.

Maybe someone could help me with a grocery list?  I don't like beans, I don't eat much meat.. ideas?

Sunday, September 5, 2010

for some reason my weight is increasing.  well, not really SOME reason.  the reason is that I'm not starving myself... I am eating fatty foods and not thinking twice about it.  Just weighed in at 150.4... very disappointed with that.  I remember thinking that 143 was soooo big.  Still do, want to be under 140.  Can't believe I've let myself get this way.  Its 70% food, 30% exercise.  I need to start by what I've been putting in my mouth.  Liquor, Sweets, Carbs.

Yesterday I had:
1 waffle (100 cals)
Caffe Misto (120 cals)
Salad with dressing (400 cals)
Fried Green Tomato (150 cals)
Cupcake (200 cals)
Frappucino (90 cals)
Wanchai Ferry Orange Chicken Skillet Dinner (600 cals)
Wine (300 cals)
1960 Cals Total--- see.... give me a break, of course I'm not losing weight.  Could have had NO cupcake and HALF the dinner, and HALF the wine, I would have been satisfied for 1310.

Doesn't help that I didn't exercise today either.. UGH. I am just a mess and a half huh?

Friday, September 3, 2010

purged my dinner.. mostly so that i dont feel hungover tomorrow morning.  must not do that... but the drinking feels so good!
Good Morning!
New followers, I appreciate you!  I haven't been writing regularly and it's not for lack of trying. Every day I open my GoogleReader to see what will strike me into writing mode... Nothing ever does.  It's not that YOU are bad, its that I am not here.  Work has taken over my life... how many times can I say that?  Well, its true.
I have worked every day for the last 2 weeks... well 19 days.  Can you imagine!? No break for 19 days!!!!  BUT.. I am taking off tomorrow.  I am going to visit my parents in South Carolina.  We'll see how that goes.  Fun, maybe?  Apparently there is a hurricane coming though!
My diet is blah, my exercise is blah.  Honestly I am surprised I am exercising during busy season, but I tend to get at least 3 workouts in a week.  2 weights, 1 cardio.  I mean, its not GREAT, but its something.  We are being forcefed food at work though.. thats definitely not helping.
And I am just stuffing my face when I can... ugh.  STRESS from work causes STRESS eating causes STRESS from tight pants!!!
I've been keeping a little diary of what I plan to eat in a day, I think its helping, but we'll see. Always afraid to weigh myself for this reason or that.. too much water, haven't gone to the bathroom, etc.