Sunday, February 28, 2010

i finally got my p90x dvd yesterday.  I did some core workout yesterday, and then i did cardio today.  I seriously cannot even yawn without hurting all over.  I hate it.  It is so hard.... but I am going to give it my best shot and see how I do!  Have not weighed myself this weekend.  Hopefully I didn't do too much damage.  I feel like I didn't really eat a ton... although I did just have a bunch of girlscout cookies that I should have passed on.  I brought them to my gfs house in hopes of getting rid of them.  They had been sitting on my counter since December so I was doing fine without the box actually being open!  Oh well I am dumb
Went to Progressive's house last night and we did the deed.  It was terrrrrrrrrible.  I am trying to think of the best way to describe it.  Like... two separate people.  Like I wasn't even there... he was just...jackhammering.  And then when he put the condom on it got awful and neither of us came.  We tried twice- once in the morning and once at night.  Ugh.
Things were great other than that..... we spent a long time talking, cuddling, napping.  I stayed at his house until 2ish.
I know I never blog at night but I felt like if I didn't put this all down I never would... I am so exhausted I don't think Ill wake up in time to blog in the morning.

Love yall

Saturday, February 27, 2010

does anyone else think that ke$ha could be an olsen twin?

Friday, February 26, 2010

Progressive and I were supposed to "Talk" about the divorce.  I was unsure about how best to approach it, but it turned out it didn't even matter because he never even called.  I knew he had a birthday party to go to, and he said "I'll have to call you tonight"  I guess I assumed that meant 10-10:30?  I texted him at 10:30 and said I was headed to bed and that if it was easier we could talk another time.  I felt so awful and wanted to cry.  Why do I let my head play with my heart?!?!  He texted back at 11 and said that he was still out and we would talk tomorrow.  I said "thats fine, have fun"... and he texted at 12 saying he was "really sorry we didn't get a chance to talk. really want to talk.  will talk tomorrow."  Its almost like he knows this was a big deal for me and that I got a little upset by it.  Its sweet that he is reassuring.... I can't have everything my way.
I wish I knew what to say anyway.... I need to find the perfect balance of "G is a psychopath and I am not a looney for marrying a psychopath"  I think I just need to keep it simple.
1. I got married because he was my best friend and he asked and I didn't want to break up.
2. I wasn't in love-- I loved spending time with him, and I loved having a companion. (do i leave this one out?)
3. I was only married for 6 months.
4. Abuse started as soon as we got married. (do I go into details?)

I don't want to go into date details... like 'oh actually we were trying to work things out as of XXX' because I don't want to come off like I am just jumping into a new relationship..... at least i hope im not. 
I miss when life was happy and fun

Did girls night and ate bad junk food.  I was doing REALLY well with my sweets.  But I had 3 oreos.... I guess its not too bad but I really don't want to cheat.  And I already used both of my carb days.. Wednesday I had a bit of potato salad (shouldnt even count it was so small) and yesterday I had chips.
Going to lunch at Einsteins today. YUM  I really want the shrimp and grits gratin, but I know that is not on the healthy list :(

I just weighed myself like 500 times and I can't get a good number.... 144.2, 145.6  is the range.
I am just going to say 145.  Probably due to oreos and chips.  DUMB ME

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Obviously I didn't wait for any opinions.  The past is gone :)  But not really because I saved it on my desktop :)
143.8 this morning.

Just my luck of course....Mr Progressive saw the url on my account and asked me about it. I have to explain it to him tonight, which im not looking forward to. Its not that I am ashamed.. just that I am not ready to tell him... but I feel like I have to. Oh.. and also, what do you think about me going and deleting all my posting history? IDK.. I am now 100% paranoid that all those things I wrote will come back to haunt me.

Falafel for lunch. SOOOO good. Not so good for you.