Saturday, June 5, 2010

unfortunately the girlishness has not subsided like i had hoped.  could it be that i am on birth control again? Byron (hot, half naked man) has got my panties all in a twist. Here's the thing.  Was I happy before I met him?  Happy being single? YES.  HELL YES.  I loved it.  Was I happy when he and I were talking and it wasn't serious because he lives in another state? YES, because he wasn't "THE ONE".... BUT THEN he has to come visit me (mind y'all, we hadn't slept together before he came... so he either paid a lot of money for a booty call, or he really liked me), and by coming to visit I turn into this blubbering crazy psycho girl.  Because now its obvious he likes me... RIGHT?  But then why haven't we made plans for ME to visit HIM?  Why don't we talk as much?  Is this all in my head?  I obsess and obsess about it, thinking how I was a fool to fall for him, how I can't live without him, and thinking he must not like me because he doesn't call, doesn't text, etc etc..... and then when I have given up hope and gone to bed... he calls!
The real problem is, it doesn't matter if he likes me or doesn't like me.  The way he acts makes me feel as if he doesn't really care.  He told me early on that many of his girlfriends have complained that he is "non-emotional" and acts as if the relationship is a take it or leave it deal to him.  He said "That's not necessarily how I feel, but I just don't really show that."  I totally see that happening.  Sometimes he says the SWEETEST things... FOR INSTANCE:

ME:  if you think that 4th of July would be a bad weekend, I can come a different one.  I know you said you had to check with your momma but I don't want to make her mad.  She's gotta like me :)
HIM:Lol she's gonna like baby. I was hoping the 4th of july cuz if its not that weekend I'm worried it won't be until August and that's a long time not to see you.
 See... so sweet... seems like he likes me.  Then I get e-mails about how he thinks I'm hot for the guy who takes my blood at Red Cross, and how he shouldn't visit because then I won't have time for the blood guy.  Like maybe he is just joking around... but seriously?  Not funny.... especially over an e-mail.

So I feel like I have obsessed about this enough.  I can't just "have fun" with this one.  There is no "fun" talking on the phone... and since he hasn't made an effort to have me come visit, other than to say he needs to check with his mother about July 4th weekend (which I assume he hasn't because I haven't heard anything), it isn't like we'll be "having fun" visiting every month.  I need to take this for what it is.. a good time that is probably not going to happen again.  Maybe he found another girl and doesn't want me to come visit because then he'd have to disappear for a weekend and come up with an explanation.  More likely, he's just not that into me... which makes perfect sense because I DO live on the other side of the damn country.

Ugh.. Seriously.. Can I just let this go?  YES.  I need to meet a new guy, and then I can let this go.


  1. Yeah I agree....even if he is totally into you, it seems like he isn't meeting your emotional needs and that's important (to me). Let him go and try to move on.

    You're so effing cute that you will find someone else in a snap.

  2. Do what you feel is right. The blood guy thing sounds like he's joking, and at least he let you know in advance that he can come off an un-emotional. But to fly in to see you sounds like he really does like you. I think if all he wanted was a booty call he would have found one locally! And wanting you to meet his mom is a big deal to some guys. Maybe just tell him how you feel and gets his thoughts on it? Follow your instinct of course, and if it says dump him, then go out and have fun!

  3. Sounds to me like he is leaving himself an "out" by telling you of his past failings in relationships. That way he doesn't have to try very hard and if thigs don't work because of his lack of involvement he can say "Hey, that's just the way I am."

    Procede with caution sweetie. I hope I'm wrong, but he sounds kinda immature. Like he loves the romantic chase, but once he gets into a relationship he doesn't want to do the work to keep it going.

    You deserve more than trying to hold up both ends of a long-distance relationship.

    Hugs. (Sorry if I'm being a downer. I just want you to be happy and to feel loved.)

  4. i say go out and have some fun, find a new guy to distract yourself with.

    i honestly have no idea what to tell you about B-Boy, but I say you are young and you need to have fun! plus it'll help distract you from thinking about him...

    that's my unsolicted 2 cents :)