Workout for this week:
Do this 3/4 days this week.

1. Step up with bicep curls (10 pounds, 10 reps) 3x
2. Side Leg Raises (stand up and lift leg 90 degrees, then move forward, back, and down. 10 reps each side) 3x
These two go together... so you don't take a break.  Do 1 then 2, then repeat 2 more times.

1. Standing Row (or any type of row, if you have a machine.  12 reps) 3x -- I didn't use weights, I used a heavy type of lifter
2. Skiers (these are backwards lunges, switching legs. 18 reps) 3x

1. Assistend pullups (on level 13... 130 pounds.  8 reps) 3x
2. Mountain climbers 30 reps, 3x

Crunches: (repeat 2 times)
1. feet straight up, reach and touch outside of opposite toe- 20
2. modified pike - 14
3. sit ups- 4 twists on the way up, 12
4. regular sit ups- 12
5. bicycles- 24

Abs burned this week! Usually they dont!

the trainer is back!  thank the lord!!!  i am going to insist that she fits me in a week ahead of time so we don't do this crazy waiting til the last minute thing again.  it is so annoying and it makes me feel unloved.  she changed her schedule and now only trains in the morning, and it just seemed like she didn't WANT to fit me in.  she said she would, and then didn't text me.  I FB friended her, maybe that jogged her memory, because yesterday at work i got a text saying she had a Wednesday AM appointment.  Perfect.  I leave for NY to see my family on wednesday night.  then I fly from NY to Charleston on Monday for a work project... and I won't be back in Atlanta until the following Wednesday.  It is going to be a long trip... but I think that it is better than coming back to ATL Sunday night, and flying out again Monday morning.
Spinning yesterday, followed by girls night with 2 glasses of wine, but not too much damaging food, luckily.  I did eat mozz sticks, but I didn't eat many tortilla chips as normal :)
I am starting to feel a little bit of ownership of my body.  Like... this is what I WANT.. and if I WANT it, I need to WORK for it.
Have not weighed in today yet.  Probably won't exercise today because I need to pack and squeeze in 4 days of work into my remaining 2.  YES
Thanks for the support!!  I'll post Kristin's workout tomorrow!!

i didn't fast.  while i was working (YES... I WORK ON SUNDAYS TOO... because being an accountant is AWESOME), i had some almonds, and then I had a few beers at the pool.  I was feeling a little tipsy so my friend made me some caprese salad, a half a sandwich and a spinach and tomato salad.  pretty healthy if you ask me.  I haven't had anything else and its 9pm.  We'll see how the rest of the night goes.  May have some soup before bed.
Went on a 4 mile walk with my friend... decent exercise for a Sunday.
My trainer has completely ditched me.  I need to find a new one, but I want a female and thats not easy.  I'll try my best to find a new one soon.

yesterday i weighed in at 146.8... dropped 3 pounds overnight.  fit into my 6's that i bought the other weekend.  this morning i weighed in at 148.6. must be from all the beer i drank yesterday. stupid me.  went to a spin class in the morning and messed up my knee entirely.  i think that i didn't have the seat far enough back and each rotation my knee was over my toes, like they say you aren't supposed to do.  it feels fine now, but last night i went to the braves game and had a hard time walking down the stairs at the stadium.
today i am going to attempt to fast, other than my coffee and water, of course. we'll see how it goes.

yesterday was alright.  Instead of eating the celery and hummus like planned, I had a packet of crackers (210), and a few almonds (100).  I also ate a big cookie (booo), and a starbucks drink

I left work around 6:15 to go to spin class, only to find that the instructor didn't show up! It was awful.  I just decided to go back to work, and stayed until about 8:30... I have a lot to do and since I go in so late (8:30-9), I usually end up staying.  It just sucked that I didn't get to work out, and I wasted an hour of my life in the car when I could have been home at 7:30 instead.  But oh well.. when I got home I was too tired to stuff my face with food.  I did eat a lot of soup, and now that I think about it I ate some cheese and crackers.  Hopefully not too much damage.  Supposedly I am going out for sushi tonight for dinner, but not until 9.  I should have plenty of time to get a good workout in then... on Fridays I leave work around 5 usually.... I hate to stay, even though it usually means I do a few hours of work on the weekend.

Oh well!!  I am going to be good today!

I was at work 12 hours yesterday... so needless to say I missed the spin class... even if I had planned on going (I had my workout clothes in my car!!).  I ended up going to the gym around 9:30 last night, biking for 30 minutes and then doing my training workout, minus the burpees.  Burpees, or squat thrusts, are seriously awful. 



I was also supposed to do jumping lunges, but I just did normal ones because I don't like looking like an idiot.  That is definitely something I need to get over!!  Does anyone want me to post the workout my trainer gives me?  I know some people are set in their ways so it wouldnt really be helpful.

I didn't do well with the food.  Had oatmeal instead of my croissant, which was good, but I didn't eat my apple, and instead I had 6 pieces of miniature candy, and a handful of chips with guacamole.

I'll try to do better today.  Oatmeal, Lean Cuisine, Celery and Hummus, Apple, Soup.

This morning the scale said 149.  Honestly I thought this weight gain was just a fluke and I would be going back down... but that doesn't seem to be the case.  Haha.. so awesome that I start exercising MORE, and gain weight.  I don't care if it is water or not.. it F-ing SUCKS.
I think I need to reign in my eating.  That is probably my downfall.  Its not that I don't eat healthy, but that I eat things that weren't on my original plan.. or I didn't plan in the first place.  For instance, yesterday during the day I did really well... I had a mini croissant for breakfast (200), soup and blueberries for lunch (300), coffee (90), and then I got home... I had more soup and a croissant (450), and some pretzels (150).  If I had stopped there, that would have been find (although I shouldn't have eaten the pretzels).  Instead I went over to a girlfriends house and munched on some chips and cheese dip and couscous and a beer and a glass of wine.  I probably got up to 2,000 calories.  BOOOOO.  Today I should plan out my meals.
breakfast-- coffee, croissant
snack-- apple
lunch-- soup (homemade, all low sodium ingredients, only fat is cheese and avocado if you choose)
snack-- celery and hummus
dinner-- soup

I am contemplating going to the spin class today... but I need to do my training workout. I am supposed to do it 2 times during the week... obviously this weeks workout is freaking killer, so I am avoiding it.  I feel less sore today, but my hips are intact!  I like to do the spinning for the high calorie burn and good heart health.. but I need to do the weight training because that's the way to get toned and increase my metabolism.  I would say "oh, I'll just do both"... but... I don't know... I guess I could.  Or do my weight exercises and then do 30 minutes of the elliptical or something.

To answer Harlow's question--- no, my trainer did not give me a meal plan.  actually we don't even talk about long term goals, or plans.  basically, she spends 30 minutes walking me through a workout, and then expects me to do it 2 more times that week.  i believe that we are supposed to have a check in every month with the lead trainer to get our measurements done and see the progress though.  maybe we add in diet later?

OUCH.  Seriously I don't even think I can walk today.  I should take the day off!!  I am sure my bosses would LOVE that excuse

note to self... and to all of you reading... if you don't feel like you are getting a good workout from your trainer... do NOT tell her "I actually haven't really been sore the last couple of times we have worked out."  Seriously, I had my training session this morning which is different, but she had to change her schedule and I like her so I wanted to change with her.  I thought afterwards I was going to die.  Like literally die.  I brought my work clothes with me, but I had to go home, just so I could sit on the toilet and NOT move... and because I was so sweaty there was NO WAY I could pass at work without a shower.  yeah.. so just so you know, don't say that... you will hate yourself.  I ate 840 calories from breakfast and while I was at work, and then I went to a cycle class... crazy, I know.  I promised my bff I would cycle with her last week before I knew my training session would be the same day.... I didn't work too hard.  When the instructor said 70%... I was probably more like 50%.  I guess it's all relative though.  It FELT like 100%!!!!  I am guessing I burned 400 calories in the hour.

So then, Meaghan and I always drink a huge bottle of wine between the two of us, and eat terrible food.  I made potato salad yesterday with miracle whip and lots of veggies, and we also ate Brie and water crackers and cheese spread.  It was the cheese part that really sucked.  And the wine I guess.  I tried not to eat too much.  She bought cake... but I didn't eat much, half a slice maybe.  I purged a little bit after she left (boo), but then in the middle I coughed, and I got it into my nasal passage.  If you purge, you know this is the "REAL" throwing up... it hurts and burns and SUCKS... I gave up after that.  No point in even trying again because I would end up feeling disgusting for a few hours while the acid ate through my tissue.


SO... I guess I am doing okay?  I shouldn't have eaten all of that... although I should have seen it coming with her.  We have a "healthy lifestyles" competition at work, where you have to eat 3 veggies, drink 2 liters of water, not have soda, and work out 4 times a week.. you build points, and the service line with the most points wins something stupid.... but I am going to compete anyway! I got ALL my points for today!!

Okay... on to weight related stuff.
In the last 4 weeks, I have been seeing a personal trainer.  Her name is Kristin and she is great.  She is 27, in AMAZING shape, and we have a lot of fun chatting.  It seems to me like we would be really good friends.  This is a plus and a minus on the personal training front.  I WANT to go, because I spend a good half hour talking to someone I like, and the workout goes by fast.  Wouldn't it suck to work out in silence?  However, after the first time, I no longer got sore... I feel like she and I probably don't work out as hard as we could because we are chit chatting.  She never gives me any advice like "you need to work on form"  (maybe I have perfect form?)  Do you think that since I am paying her, I should say something?  And what would I say??  I like her A LOT and I don't want to ruin this, but like I said.. I am paying her so I should be getting results.
Okay, also... I have been GAINING weight.  I am at 150 right now.  I have been working out like crazy... I have been going to cycle twice a week, which is an hour of intense cardio, I have been doing my personal training workouts once or twice a week and then doing a half hour of cardio.  I wonder if I have been eating more???
I also started taking birth control again... seasonique.. the kind you take for 3 months with no period.  This week would have been the week I would have gotten my period, and I am feeling sore in my hips, and a little bloated.  Is this normal? Could this be why I am gaining weight?  What happens with all that tissue buildup if I don't have a period?  Does it get reabsorbed? Or does it just keep building up for 3 months and then I have a really heavy period when I finally get one?
Advice please?
Also, I am not eating today after brunch.  I promised that I would go to my friends parents house for brunch, but I am NOT eating after that.  I bought size 6 shorts at old navy yesterday.  I didn't try them on because I was sweaty from cycle, but when I got them home... they DIDN'T FIT!!!!  SERIOUSLY?  I can't wear ANY shorts.  That's how awesome my life is.  I am NOT going to be the fat girl.  An 8 is ridiculous.  Fuck Me.

its been over a week since my last post! i am not doing well!!! I am sorry.  I have been reading, but life is... life.
Update on my hot man.  Last post I said I was being a girl about the situation, where I felt under appreciated and so on and so forth. Piglet made a comment saying that he wasn't meeting my emotional needs, which really rang true with me.  What ARE my emotional needs?  I seem to be the person who wants her cake and ice cream at the same time.  I want him to love me SOOOOO much, but give me LOTS of space...  I want a boyfriend, without the pressure.  Well... that doesn't exist.  So, the next day he called me, and I asked about 4th of July, AGAIN... and he said that he didn't think it was a good idea because his whole family would be up and we wouldn't get to spend any time alone, and that maybe I could come up in August.  AUGUST? So I said... "look babe... this seems like its coming to an end.  I really like you, I think you are great and I could really see myself caring a lot about you, but at this point, you aren't meeting my emotional needs (THANKS PIGLET :)"  We discussed what I meant... that I felt like I wanted to just be in a casual place in my life, but with him and the distance, it wasn't possible, and that he was such a great guy I would rather just not talk to him at all than to feel stressed because I liked him so much and wasn't sure if he liked me or if we were actually going to see each other again etc etc.  His response was "I have enjoyed talking to you every day since we met, and I think that I just have realistic expectations of this while you might not.  I am just sort of taking it day by day and who knows where it will go."  I told him I appreciated that, and I enjoyed talking to him too.. and then we hung up.
I e-mailed him a few times the next day but not nearly as much as we normally do, and then I went and helped a friend move a washer dryer (and by help i mean sat and watched).  When I got home I had a missed call from him, and when I called him back he said something like "I was sure you would have called me while I was playing my basketball game but I didn't have a missed call from you and it sucked.  I thought about what you said all day and it really upset me.  I WANT to meet your emotional needs.  I WANT you in your life.  I want to be your boyfriend and be your only one."  Seriously, it was like twilight zone.  I was SO freaking surprised!!!  Since then.. I didn't exactly agree to the boyfriend thing.. but I have been taking the approach that yes, he does like me, we are just busy people and we can't be expected to change our lives completely and chit chat constantly throughout the day.  Hopefully we'll get some good weekend talking in, and for right now, that can be good enough, because I don't have any prospects here in Atlanta.  Honestly though, even if I did, this guy is a keeper... I just have to actually SEE him...  I am wearing him down on letting me come visit for the holiday.... although he is right, it would totally suck to spend the entire weekend with his family.

Well, this post was supposed to be about weight.  I will write another one I guess!!

unfortunately the girlishness has not subsided like i had hoped.  could it be that i am on birth control again? Byron (hot, half naked man) has got my panties all in a twist. Here's the thing.  Was I happy before I met him?  Happy being single? YES.  HELL YES.  I loved it.  Was I happy when he and I were talking and it wasn't serious because he lives in another state? YES, because he wasn't "THE ONE".... BUT THEN he has to come visit me (mind y'all, we hadn't slept together before he came... so he either paid a lot of money for a booty call, or he really liked me), and by coming to visit I turn into this blubbering crazy psycho girl.  Because now its obvious he likes me... RIGHT?  But then why haven't we made plans for ME to visit HIM?  Why don't we talk as much?  Is this all in my head?  I obsess and obsess about it, thinking how I was a fool to fall for him, how I can't live without him, and thinking he must not like me because he doesn't call, doesn't text, etc etc..... and then when I have given up hope and gone to bed... he calls!
The real problem is, it doesn't matter if he likes me or doesn't like me.  The way he acts makes me feel as if he doesn't really care.  He told me early on that many of his girlfriends have complained that he is "non-emotional" and acts as if the relationship is a take it or leave it deal to him.  He said "That's not necessarily how I feel, but I just don't really show that."  I totally see that happening.  Sometimes he says the SWEETEST things... FOR INSTANCE:

ME:  if you think that 4th of July would be a bad weekend, I can come a different one.  I know you said you had to check with your momma but I don't want to make her mad.  She's gotta like me :)
HIM:Lol she's gonna like baby. I was hoping the 4th of july cuz if its not that weekend I'm worried it won't be until August and that's a long time not to see you.

 See... so sweet... seems like he likes me.  Then I get e-mails about how he thinks I'm hot for the guy who takes my blood at Red Cross, and how he shouldn't visit because then I won't have time for the blood guy.  Like maybe he is just joking around... but seriously?  Not funny.... especially over an e-mail.

So I feel like I have obsessed about this enough.  I can't just "have fun" with this one.  There is no "fun" talking on the phone... and since he hasn't made an effort to have me come visit, other than to say he needs to check with his mother about July 4th weekend (which I assume he hasn't because I haven't heard anything), it isn't like we'll be "having fun" visiting every month.  I need to take this for what it is.. a good time that is probably not going to happen again.  Maybe he found another girl and doesn't want me to come visit because then he'd have to disappear for a weekend and come up with an explanation.  More likely, he's just not that into me... which makes perfect sense because I DO live on the other side of the damn country.

Ugh.. Seriously.. Can I just let this go?  YES.  I need to meet a new guy, and then I can let this go.

Calories today were a DISASTER.  I literally.  LITERALLY ate an ENTIRE sleeve of thin mints. 640 calories.  Surprising it was so small!!
I also ate a southwestern chicken salad... grilled chicken, lettuce, corn, beans, guac, salsa, honey mustard dressing.  Sweet potato fries.  A few bites of spinach dip
I honestly find it surprising that I am under 2,000 calories (I used calorie count website)

Oh, did I tell you that I also fell down the stairs.

YEP.... that's how great my life is!
Going spinning tomorrow.  Life has to get better, right?

it is really easy to lie to yourself. it is really easy to say "well... that cookie didn't count"  it's easy to bump up your calorie burn and reduce your calorie intake... and whats the reason?  to hide from yourself?
i am so guilty of this.  how much was my tortilla soup last night... WELL i tell myself that it didn't have any tortillas, and I used FF everything, so it really can't be that bad.  BUT i made it from scratch, there is no label to tell me, and did I have 1 cup or 3 cups?  A bowl is not a measurement.
how many calories do YOU burn in yoga.  Was it the yoga where you are constantly moving around and starting to sweat, or is it the yoga where you sit like a statue and concentrate on breathing?  when we go to enter in our exercise, do we take this into account?  the instructor in the spin class i took on Monday said we burned 740 calories.  HE might have burned that many... I certainly didn't. 
I just don't understand what the point of lying is.  It just hinders us-- dragging us further and further from our goal.  And I don't understand why I continue to do it!!