So... A new job starting today which means lots of traveling... And hopefully lots of stories about my airport exercises and my hotel room yoga! I'm in Boston this week, and I've done Insanity for the last two days. Well, let me tell you... it is insane. Dripping in sweat in a tiny corner of my tiny room... But I'm doing it so that's what matters. I think the next few months will test me, and I definitely hope I win. A lot of traveling means a lot of time sitting, being exhausted with time changes, and working extra hours. On the plus side, when I'm by myself I don't have to eat. I don't have to go to the boyfriends house after work instead of hitting the gym. I guess I just need to have that willpower. I'm with a big team so we've gone to dinner both nights this week...and I haven't opted for salads. I hate to admit this, but I've purged after I got back both nights. I guess if I can't admit it here... Who do I tell? I'd rather have the willpower and not the afterthought purge. Time will tell!!!

So frustrated with myself... Last night I had a mini binge. We got out salary increase amounts for the coming year and I wa not very happy with mine. I then decided to have tons of candy, and a rice krispee treat. Yum. I decided that was it for the day. I hit my calories and I ate things I shouldn't have... Which was my fault. I went to the gym after work (Zumba... Hard!!!) wand I came home with the best intentions.... And then proceeded to have a huge pasta dish. Needless to say, with the pasta sitting in my belly this morning, I didn't see another weight loss on the scale :(

Going to see dark knight with boyfriends tonight!! Ive convinced him we are getting salad before hand, not tin drum!!!

Calorie counting is going relatively well. I'm definitely losing weight but it is really slow. Do you ever wish you could have a redo? Like... If the gods just put me back at 124. I would never screw it up. I would cherish it an make sure I never gained the weight again. But that's probably not true... Bc if I truly felt like that I would be losing weight quickly. I was at the airport last Friday and was behind the smallest girl in the world. She was real life thinspo. I was so jealous and it really made me want that. I'm going to count calories every day... Even on the weekends. And go to the gym!
Also, I have been stalking this woman in the Junior League. She is absolutely beautiful, and last year we were both provisional advisors... I never actually talked to her, but I couldn't stop staring at her ring... The size of an ice skating rink. She wasn't at the advisor meeting last night, so I looked up her new placement and she is a district advisor. That means she will host meetings at her house. Jealousy really wants to transfer into her district so I can see it. Always wanting the things I don't have :)

I've been counting calories for real. I feel like this is "for real" because I'm literally counting them all... not just the ones that aren't bad for you, not just the ones that I remember.  I'm counting the little piece of candy and the extra bite of pasta, etc.  I've realized that I am not eating terribly, but that I'm not burning enough calories each day to see a significant drop in weight, even when I'm exercising.  I am eating 1600 calories a day, which is just too many.  So annoying.  I'm doing my best!  But I guess this isn't my best.... best would be not having that extra cheese stick, or eating a skinny cow EVERY night.  I also have my period... or i will soon, and I am feeling very whiny and like the world is against me.  I freaked out on the bf yesterday... all because I had a bad dream that he broke up with me.  He didn't give me a reassuring response when I told him, and then I got super insecure and we spent the whole day fighting.  Yuck.

Oh goodness... I was wrong

Hips: 41
Waist: 28.75
Calf: 15.5
Chest: 33.5
Thigh (above knee): 17.75
Upper Arm: 11.75

So I was wondering what my body fat percentage, and i looked up a few body fat calculators online.  They called for my waist measurement, and so I typed in 25.  And then I thought... hmmm, I should measure, its been a while since I did.  TWENTY SEVEN!  NOT 25!  See... this is my problem!  I can't see myself growing.  I found a blog post where I was a 25 waist and a 37 hip... in February of 2008!  Haha.  Now, 27 waist and 39 hip.  I weighed 137 in 2008, and now I'm closer to 147.  I find my craziness interesting.  I know I've gained weight since college, but why in the world would I think I haven't increased in size?  I am going to post my inches currently as soon as I can, but here are my inches from before.  I think this will be my goal

     Chest: 32
     Waist: 26.5
     Hips: 37
     Thighs:22.5
     Calves: 15.5
     Upper Arms: 11
     Forearms: 9.5

What bothers me so much is that I have been blogging forever. At least a couple of years. And yet, I have seen absolutely no long term progress. I guess in college I had a few good months... But that was 3 years ago!!!! It just really kills me that this is my "obsession" and I can't do it right. Or even close to right. Ugh... So depressing. I started noticing my thighs touch together when I walk. I'm sure they always have, but something has changed bc I'm noticing it more now. Getting bigger and bigger.
I have started leaving work early to go to the gym. I'm kind of over my old job, especially since I'll be in a new position in August. And I've got to get this eating under control!!!