Today I heard about a site called DietBet.  They host 28 day challenges and if you hit the target goal, you win your money back and then split the pot with the other winners. If you don't hit your target, your money goes into the pot for the winners. 

I signed up for the Blogilates challenge, which starts June 1st. It's $25 to join and  the goal is 4% weight loss. I think this is exactly what I need to motivate me. It's a small amount of money, but money is always motivating, and I was just talking about how I need to work on being good on weekends. If you're interested, here is the link... http://bit.ly/118hb0d

First, a thank you to Kitty and Miranda for being my friends. It's weird that I don't even know what you look like and I think of you as people I truly trust...
Second, the food as fuel update. I had a small break from traveling and visited Steven at his house for his birthday. Monday morning I decided to weigh myself and assess the damage. I never weigh on Mondays because I feel like there is residual weekend water weight you have left to lose, but I had no choice as I wanted to weigh before I flew to Charlotte.
149.8
Now, this is a lot. And I'm not going to rationalize that because its no where close to goal. But if I can not weigh in for a month and still weigh in at 149.8 on a Monday I think I'm doing pretty good!
Maybe I'm really a little less than that since I was holding on to weekend weight.... But regardless that's what I weighed while counting calories for an entire year... And now I kind of feel free

I'm going to keep telling myself to eat food that makes me feel good, and I'll weigh in again soon for a progress update.

Just another thought... It bothers me that some of my readers are concerned about my relationship with Steven. This is a place I use to vent, and it kind of hurts that I'm not allowed to so that without hearing that I've possibly made a mistake about him. Perhaps it's something I just need not to talk about here. Or maybe I need to write more often about the wonderful parts of our relationship.

I'm having a hardish week. Work stuff mostly that I don't want to talk about.

I haven't weighed myself in nearly a month- I think this is some type of record. I brought my scale over to my bfs house and I forgot to bring it back. I haven't been over there often and I always forget to grab it. I've also stopped counting calories, at the request of my counselor. She thinks maybe I should focus on eating food that makes me feel good instead of constantly stressing about how much goes into my body and freaking out when it's too much.
I'm kind of scared. What if this causes me to gain!? I really have been considering food as fuel for the last few weeks, and making choices not based on calories but instead what I need. Obviously this doesn't work for every meal or every occasion, but it's definitely a different mindset and an interesting twist to my already stressful life.

I've stuck with insanity for almost 2 weeks! I have one day left before I weigh in again and redo all the fit test activities so I can track my progress... To be honest I'm just really proud I've stuck with it this long and haven't missed a workout.

My running had been put on the back burner and that's not good because I have to train for the 10k. Boyfriend and I are considering just doing one month of Insanity and then starting to run everyday instead.

Last Saturday I had enough time to do the Insanity exercise and run/walk 3.5 miles... But then I had Mexican for dinner. Haha, always a little off track.

So speaking of my boyfriend, he and I have been arguing a lot recently. I think it might have to do with my new birth control... I've been feeling really needy and like I'm not getting any attention and I'm working so much harder than he is at being the best partner I can be. When I think about it rationally, I do believe he is neglecting me a little...but I think it is not as bad as in my head. He is in a busy time at work, and I'm in a stressful time at work. I make up these crazy scenarios I'm my head about how he is so mean to me and never listens, and I completely forget that he buys soda for himself and let's me drink them all, and always offers to drive when we go out.

I think we need some alone time... Busy season at work is almost over, but until then, I'm shooting for a "just us" date this weekend at a new restaurant.

Interesting... The past two days I have been eating breakfast- low sugar oatmeal with peanut butter... And I have been eating way more food overall. Is that because eating breakfast gets your metabolism up and working? Anyway, it's annoying.
I took too much Ritalin yesterday and couldn't sleep, so today was absolutely miserable. I tried to come home early but my roommate was here. Can't wait to move out... Only a few weeks til my own place!!

Last week was exciting because I finally saw a dip in the weight.  This weekend Iwas decent, but not great, and so this morning I was back up... not all the way up.. but up.  I know I shouldn't be weighing in on Monday's anyway... so I'll weigh again on Wednesday and see how I'm doing.

Over the summer I started to do Insanity... did I talk about that at all?  I only did maybe 7 days worth over the course of 2 weeks.. but it was HARD.  I'm back at it, and this time with my boyfriend.  He is coming to the end of his "busy" season at work.. and has basically not exercised at all for the last 3 months.  To be fair, we did run a race together in March, and he beat my butt... even though I'm always at the gym... so he's not THAT out of shape!

Anyway, it's nice to be doing it together and keeping each other accountable.  It is SOOOO hard.  I'm on day 3.  Day 1 was the fit test... 20 minutes and I was sore.  Yesterday he and I did the first real work out together, and the rest of the week we'll have to check in with each other as we finish.  I just did day 3 workout.  I would love for someone to video tape me attempting the moves... because I'm sure I look like a complete idiot.  Oh well, at least I'm trying.

On the food front I'm not doing TERRIBLE, but I really could be better.  I guess I always say that.  Right now I am in no danger of overeating because I have no candy in the house... I'm tempted to go buy those Reese's chocolate eggs though.. they are my favorite.  Obviously a bad idea.

I will update again soon!