My goodness, I've really been failing. Falling off the wagon.
I don't know what is going on with me, but I've been so obsessed with stuffing my face. Like this week I've been in Chicago for work with snacks and dessert and everything bad. I will think to myself, this is not healthy, you need to count your calories, you should just restrict..... And yet I can't control it. I am in awe of the people who eat so much food when they are larger... I think about their lack of self control and wonder what is wrong with them. Now, I'm being that person now.
Sometimes I wish I had a weird disease. Like not a bad one, but one of those where you can't eat wheat or you need to watch your alcohol.
There was a girl at this training.... Super tiny and tan and beautiful, who had a slight alerts to wheat. Since we were eating buffet food, she didn't know what was in the sauces, so she avoided everything except the vegetables. Why can't that be me? Also she runs marathons. Jealous.
I need resolve. I need to resolve to take care of myself.
it is so hard to feel like you are losing control. And for me - when I reach that state, I enter this "why bother" mode, even though in back of my mind I know I am hurting my self..
ReplyDeleteHave you considered maybe writing down what you eat instead of tracking all the time.. I think writing it down takes off the stress of measuring every single bite - while you still get a proper overwiew of what you are eating, and where you are going wrong.