I just need to post and tell you all the things about my life that are miserable... because I am feeling extremely sorry for myself and I need to just get it all out and move on.
1. I like my roommate, she is really nice. Except she overfed my cat while I was in India and now she is fat. Also, she is the messiest person I know. And the thing that seriously sucks is I asked her if she was clean before we moved in and she said yes. I think she is possibly disillusioned about how messy she is. Not dirty, just messy. Like, is selling clothes on ebay.. and so we have a huge pile of clothes in our dining room... which is in plain view when you walk in. The coffee table is always covered in her contracts for work, and time magazine. Maybe I'm just jealous that she's cultured enough to read time magazine, but seriously, put them in a pile, don't strew them about so I can't put anything on the table. The kitchen is the worst. She loves to cook, and she's good at it, and very generous with her baked goods... but I literally have 1 drawer in the fridge. And its not even a full drawer.. its like a half drawer at the bottom. And when I got back from India, it was full of Apples. So now I am sharing my half drawer with her apples, and the entire rest of the fridge is full of her stuff. I kind of wonder if she even knows what is in the fridge. I have a feeling it goes bad before she has a chance to eat it... I end up throwing a lot of stuff away when I notice it has mold on it. Anyway. And since she's always cooking, the sink is always full of dishes, and the dishwasher is always full of dishes, and I felt like I needed to make an appointment to cook tonight... because the chances of her being in there when I get home from work are pretty high. It feels like I am a guest in my own house. She takes over all the common area space, and I must sit in my room. Granted my room is much bigger than hers. Oh,, I didnt mention the washer dryer... but I'm sure you get the jist of that.
2. My boyfriend doesnt want to move in with me. I need to respect that he's not ready and at least he's telling me that... but i feel super rejected. I don't want to live with my roommate anymore, but he doesn't want to live with me, so do I move in by myself again? I hate moving. And if I do, then I rope myself into a contract for another year, and what if before then he is ready? See... this is a major problem, that I'm making my life decisions based on his 'what if' and that is NOT okay. He's certainly not doing that... so I need to be doing what I want, what I need, without regard to whether he may or may not do what I want him to.
3. My job is killing me. It's a challenging role which is great, and I get to travel a lot which is also great. However... I was in India for an entire month.. and I think it's okay for me to take off 2 days before starting back. Nope. Of course everyone SAYS its okay. SAYS yes, take a break.. but when it comes down to it, I get meetings placed on my calendar for the entire two days. So many meetings in fact that even had I been working, i wouldnt have been able to get anything done. My job is super stressful in that way. We have 20 people doing 20 different things, and they all need something from you, but no one coordinates with each other. No one stops to ask if I'm busy during my lunch hour (yes, I am)... because they live on the West Coast and it's convenient for them. Now we have india up and running, this job seems like its a 24 hour commitment. I need to bring my computer home every night because I can't finish my tasks during the day due to all the meetings, and when i wake up in the morning I have a ton of e-mails from the people working in India. It just sucks. The problem is... what would I want to do instead? What would make me happy? I have no idea.
Ok so I guess thats all thats bothering me because I can't think of anything else. I need a plan for my job. I need to tell my boss I'm stressed out. But the problem is... the work still has to get done, so does it even matter if I'm stressed out? I still have to work, still have to do my tasks that take me all day and into the night... but there has to be a better way. There has to.
And I have no idea what to do about the roommate. I can clean up after her, I could move her apples out of my drawer and just force myself to have space. I can make appointments to use the kitchen, I could possibly work from home so I'm on the couch when she gets home and she can't take over the common area... but that all requires a lot of time and effort. I don't even know how to talk to her about it. What do you say?
