Merry Christmas everyone!!  I love the holidays.... this year I'm spending it with my parents, which is sort of a challenge, but family is important, so I'm putting on a happy face and trying to enjoy being with them.

I've been thinking hard about my goals, and why I'm not getting the results I'm looking for.  I think the most important thing to remember is that

If I wanted it bad enough, I would work hard enough to get it.

My body didn't gain all this weight because I was feeding it healthy food and making sure I got active.  I gained weight because I (as my MFP tells me) snack on cheese and M&Ms in between meals.

One issue I'm facing is that in January I'm traveling every. single.week.  I don't know exactly what my plan should be.  Maybe insanity or Jillian Michaels on the days I'm traveling?  I'm sure that my gyms have tredmills too... it's just a matter of ACTUALLY going there.

What I can control is my exercise schedule BEFORE I leave.  I get back home tomorrow night, so starting on Wednesday I have the following plan:
Wednesday- Yoga, Strength
Thursday- Zumba
Friday- Cycle
Saturday- Cycle
Sunday- Yoga
Monday- Cycle

Tuesday is the 1st, so the gym wont be open.  I'll go to my boyfriend's gym for sure.  I don't have any New Year's plans yet.... so it probably won't be crazy.

Liebster Award

Thank you Kitty for nominating me for this award.  I know I'm really late in responding.  I've got a lot going on with work and the holidays!  I never get nominated for anything... so I'm really surprised.  I think i just fly under the radar a little bit.

So... here are 11 things about me that you may or may not already know:
1. I'm a CPA.  I got a Masters in Accountancy in 2009 specializing in Taxation, and I work for a large public accounting firm.  I recently made the switch from Tax Compliance to consulting, and now I work with the company to outsource our work to India.  It sounds ominous and kind of unpatriotic, but it's not.... we just need more people, and India is a good place to get them!
2. I moved from New York to Georgia when I was 18 and I never looked back.  I left my family and my friends because I just needed a change.  I'm starting to feel that itch here.... maybe a move to Arizona?
3. I've gained about 25 pounds since I left highschool 8 years ago.  When I was a senior in highschool I was very disordered.  I ate yogurt, and picked at dinner, and worked out for hours at a time.  I did the 10 lbs freshman year, and then I've slowly gained a bit here and there since.  I fluctuate between 140 and 150 these days... and I'm currently on the higher end.
4. One of my bucket list items is to visit all the 7 wonders wonders of the world, and the 7 natural wonders.  This year I went to the Taj Mahal.
5. Every year around this time I go through facebook and my phone and delete people who I a) don't remember b) don't care to remember, or c) havent talked to in the last year.  I havent done the phone yet, but I've deleted 100 people off my facebook account!
6. I am 26, and I've been married.  We were together for a long time, but married only a very short time.  I think I removed all the old posts about him and what happened.  Very dramatic, but  my life is 100% better
7. And speaking of men in my life, I do have a wonderful guy (Miranda will tell you differently haha- I am lucky to have a devils advocate).  We've been together for a year and a half, and I've grown a lot in that time period, and I think he has too... I'm his first girlfriend since highschool, so our relationship maturities don't exactly "match" which is always an adventure
8. And speaking of Miranda... gosh, how long have we been on Blogger?  She's one of the older ones, like me.  I've got to be coming up on 7 or 8 years...Jeez!  Anyway.. Miranda is my closest blogger friend.  I dont even know if we qualify as friends, but I feel like I know everything about her!  Oh wow, I just looked. April 2008 is when I started this blog.  That is only 4.5 years.  Jeez, I'm just losing it.
9. My name is Kathryn.  I'm not sure I've ever said that before.
10.  I want to become a yoga instructor really badly.  The problem is, I don't actually do very much yoga.  Not even once a week anymore.  And I'm not all ohm-y... I just like the way it makes me feel and the stretch I get.  And apparently it costs a good bit of money to become certified.  I like to make excuses for things to get out of them.... I think this is one.
11. I hate my body.  I hate that I don't have the self discipline to do what I know it takes to get what I want.  I hate that I'm so self defeating.... and that I make excuses for myself not to work hard or to push myself.  But I love the blogger community... and thats why I don't want to give up all together.  Hey, if I've been blogging for 4.5 years, I've stuck to SOMETHING, right?



11 questions:

1. Name the one part of your body you love. Well.  I have thin wrists.  And I have a good jawline... hopefully that wont fade.  The one thing I HATE, and I know this isnt the question, but I'll tell you anyway... is my CALVES!  THEY ARE HUGEEEEE. Seriously.  I dont know if my feet are too small for the size of my calves, or they are just really big, but i CANNOT wear boots.  Its ridiculous and unfair.
2. Where do you see your self in 5 years? Five years from today I'll be 31.  I hope that I'll still be a CPA, and an extremely successful professional.  I wish I could tell you what I see for my personal life, but I just dont know.  I want to move, I want to stay.  My boyfriend and I could be very happy together, but I think it's best not to assume, and only really worry about the things I can control.  Life will take its course... and I hope that I jump on the healthy bandwagon sooner or later!
3. What is your favorite color? Purple
4. If you could have one wish granted, what would it be? I really want to be able to read people's minds, and be able to change the way they feel.  Playing God... I know, thats not good.
5. What does your perfect day look like? NO WORK. Those are few and far between these days.  A perfect realistic day would be one in which I'm not tempted by unhealthy habits, and I find time to exercise and get enough sleep.
6. Name the one thing you can not live without. The internet on my cell phone.  I'm soooo addicted to it. 
7. Name 3 places you want to visit. Great Wall of China, Grand Canyon, the North Pole (only if Santa is there)
8. Lazy day on the couch, what do you do? I'd like to watch the 3rd season of the O.C.
9. What color is your hair? Blonde
10. Name one thing that you hate! I really hate when people don't spell check something that is printed out. I get it if you're IMing or sending a quick e-mail, but if you're making a sign, or printing an official document, please just read it over once or twice....

Apparently there are only 10 questions to answer.  That's okay.. this post has taken me 3 days to complete.. so I should stop now.

My goodness, I've really been failing. Falling off the wagon.
I don't know what is going on with me, but I've been so obsessed with stuffing my face. Like this week I've been in Chicago for work with snacks and dessert and everything bad. I will think to myself, this is not healthy, you need to count your calories, you should just restrict..... And yet I can't control it. I am in awe of the people who eat so much food when they are larger... I think about their lack of self control and wonder what is wrong with them. Now, I'm being that person now.

Sometimes I wish I had a weird disease. Like not a bad one, but one of those where you can't eat wheat or you need to watch your alcohol.
There was a girl at this training.... Super tiny and tan and beautiful, who had a slight alerts to wheat. Since we were eating buffet food, she didn't know what was in the sauces, so she avoided everything except the vegetables. Why can't that be me? Also she runs marathons. Jealous.

I need resolve. I need to resolve to take care of myself.

I fired my therapist this morning. So hard, but needed

I am quite frustrated. Had a very active weekend, and a very food conscious weekend, and yet today the scale is up. Maybe it's water, maybe I'm just retaining... But maybe not. This is so frustrating. I feel like I'm following science... Science should work!

My fitness pal has been great this last month. I log in pretty religiously and I can see where I go wrong. I'm not saying I've fixed the problems, but at least now I am recognizing a pattern.
I really would like to lose some significant weight by my next birthday. I understand that means taking what I've learned and really applying it to everyday life. One thing I've learned that when I eat 1200 calories or less, the next day is an over the top eating day. For now I've changed my goal to "maintenance" and I'll know that as long as I'm under that number I'm on the right track.