Friday, February 26, 2010

Progressive and I were supposed to "Talk" about the divorce.  I was unsure about how best to approach it, but it turned out it didn't even matter because he never even called.  I knew he had a birthday party to go to, and he said "I'll have to call you tonight"  I guess I assumed that meant 10-10:30?  I texted him at 10:30 and said I was headed to bed and that if it was easier we could talk another time.  I felt so awful and wanted to cry.  Why do I let my head play with my heart?!?!  He texted back at 11 and said that he was still out and we would talk tomorrow.  I said "thats fine, have fun"... and he texted at 12 saying he was "really sorry we didn't get a chance to talk. really want to talk.  will talk tomorrow."  Its almost like he knows this was a big deal for me and that I got a little upset by it.  Its sweet that he is reassuring.... I can't have everything my way.
I wish I knew what to say anyway.... I need to find the perfect balance of "G is a psychopath and I am not a looney for marrying a psychopath"  I think I just need to keep it simple.
1. I got married because he was my best friend and he asked and I didn't want to break up.
2. I wasn't in love-- I loved spending time with him, and I loved having a companion. (do i leave this one out?)
3. I was only married for 6 months.
4. Abuse started as soon as we got married. (do I go into details?)

I don't want to go into date details... like 'oh actually we were trying to work things out as of XXX' because I don't want to come off like I am just jumping into a new relationship..... at least i hope im not. 
I miss when life was happy and fun

Did girls night and ate bad junk food.  I was doing REALLY well with my sweets.  But I had 3 oreos.... I guess its not too bad but I really don't want to cheat.  And I already used both of my carb days.. Wednesday I had a bit of potato salad (shouldnt even count it was so small) and yesterday I had chips.
Going to lunch at Einsteins today. YUM  I really want the shrimp and grits gratin, but I know that is not on the healthy list :(

I just weighed myself like 500 times and I can't get a good number.... 144.2, 145.6  is the range.
I am just going to say 145.  Probably due to oreos and chips.  DUMB ME

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