I am dedicating myself to putting my calories in caloriecount.about.com .  This website is very helpful because it has all types of food, and when you "complete" a day, it gives you a breakdown of where you need to work... (aka.  yesterday my carbs were too high).  If I weren't so social at night, maybe I could manage a better diet... but I go out with friends or hang out with friends every night, and that involve beer, carbs, sweets, etc.  Its a lose lose situation, because I don't want to sit at home.  The only thing I can think to do is compensate by not eating a lot during the day, but like yesterday, I was RAVENOUS.  Absolutely could not stop myself from eating.  And I know it wasn't hunger, it was stress.
What do I do?  I have no idea.
Yesterday I ate 2200 calories, and I had a 30 minute personal training appointment where we worked legs. According to the website, I net 315 calories... that means gain.  I don't think I'll be able to work out today, so I'll need to eat less than what I burn (1700).  So, I am going to aim for 1400 to even things out.  Let's see if that works!

one day this weekend the scale read 145.2.... I though YES... I LOST weight on my business trip.... but now, I am exercising, and eating normal again (not going out to eat at every meal), and its back to 150.  Granted, my body is begging to have its period and I am trying to hold out another 5 days til my pack is gone.  Could that be it?  Probably not.  I want to go on a hardcore no carb diet.  But IDK what that means.  I don't even know how to start.  Eggs, Cheese, Bacon, Meat.  Can you have vegetables? what about fruit?

food??

today I had--  edamame, quite a bit.. maybe a cup? a zone perfect bar/south beach bar... whatever.. vitamins up the wazzoooo, a cheese stick, 1 cracker.  And liquor :)
Lets say 500 calories so far.  Out to a bar with beer/wine/food.  I'll do my best, but I WANT to drink tonight.. so we'll see.
The workout was decent.... an hour of pilates, a half hour of elliptical.  And since I'm doing fine on food I'm definitely negative

A whole week and no post...Not as if anything of interest has happened to me.
Went out with a boy on Friday night.. and by boy I mean 30 year old attorney.  Will see him again today I think.  Gave blood on Saturday (lost a pint of weight??? lol) with a different boy... not so into him, but he is into me and I don't the attention when Mr. Colorado leaves me hanging out to dry.  Workout-- BAD.  I worked out last Saturday, and once during the week.  I have been traveling for work.
I am about to go to the gym now.. taking the day off, at least some of it.  I'm going to take a pilates class, then maybe try and do a run/walk combo.
I want to go low carb, but I find that when I do, I say things like "oh its okay to eat this fatty cheese, this slice of bacon, etc"... which is all well and good until I break down and HAVE TO HAVE the bagel, chips, etc.  Then I have carbs AND fat.  Silly me.
Hopefully after my work out I'll feel more motivated and have something real to write.

i have absolutely no justification for my lack of weight loss.  i basically just suck.
i feel like a huge fat cow... constantly. 149.2 #  Birth Control? Alcohol? Fatness?  Whatever it is... it sucks
It is VERY early in the morning, I am about to get my ass to the gym.  I don't care if I won't be able to function today at work. Must go to a Brave's game tonight, so I doubt I'll have any real exercise any other time.

I am just so down in the dumps!!!
My weight will NOT go down.  It is going UP.  I am exercising like crazy... I thought I was eating healthy, but maybe now I am eating more!?
I am tired as all hell... can barely make it to work by nine.
I don't know I don't know.

i have been reading blogs but have been unmotivated to write.  and my internet has been out at home.  and i am more than a little tired of unloading on you all.  basically, in order to survive real life, i get out all the bad stuff here... that way, its like i bitched, im over it, and now i can be happier in the real world.. or supposedly.
fast update on boy-- i left him a voicemail voicing my opinion about it being over and him being less than a man for ignoring me.  he called later that night, let me know that his phone had been broken for the last 3 days, that i was being a complete girl because i didn't try to call him or i would have known it went straight to voicemail, and that he didn't have my number memorized so he couldn't call me.  so... we made up.  i need to take this less seriously.  my best friend in blogger land (she doesn't blog, but she's still my bff) told me it sounds like i am super depressed and stressed about this whole situation.  I shouldn't be though... because like i said in my last post... he lives in Colorado... there IS NO future.  This is purely fun, and I think that because I have been in serious relationships so long, I sometimes forget that.  The rational part of me just seems to slip out when I am stressed, and everything becomes this HUGE mess when I should be living life to the fullest, having fun, and accepting things for the way they are.

Easier said than done.

The stress has done me good this time around.  I have been working out like a mad woman.  I didn't exercise Sunday, but Monday I went to a spin class, and then to the other gym and did 30 minutes on the elliptical.  Yesterday I went to my trainer in the morning (6:30-- way too early), and then to a spin class, which was surprisingly good.  I have my favorite instructors, and then I feel like no one ever measures up.  Tuesday at 6:45-- now on the list!
Food has been decent too.  Fruit, I had an entire subway sub yesterday-- half for lunch and half for dinner, and soup too.  I did eat 2 granola bars and 2 cookies, I didn't deserve them and shouldn't have had them.  Will do better today.  Doubtful I will be exercising... big deadline at work.

Hope everyone is well.