So its day 3 and so far it has been a success!  Only..... 88 more days to go? hahaha.  Crazy to think that the new year will be here before you know it.  So I've devised a plan that will require me counting calories every day... which we know I'm not great at.  Every day for 3 months.  And it requires me to have a 4500 calorie deficit each week.  How I want to accomplish that is up to me.  Yesterday I was at a deficit of 801, and the day before 691.  So I probably need to average about 600 deficit for the remaining 5 days this week.  I CAN do this.  It takes preplanning.  And the GYM.  For instance.  Tonight the boyfriend gets back in town and I want to have pizza with him.  I feel like that's acceptable as long as I am able to make it to spin class after work and keep my calories to a minimum before dinner.  It looks like I'm looking at about 300 calories a slice x 2 = 600 calories for dinner... and without exercise I can eat about 1050 calories a day to stay under budget.  So... 450 calories left in the day sounds hard, but definitely doable.  I will have oatmeal for breakfast, and an apple for snack, and a granola bar.  That should be plenty to get me through the day.  Ahhhhh hard.  Saturday I'm going to my college town to relive being young and drunk.  I plan on drinking a healthy amount.  I'm going to need to do some planning surrounding that night too.  Well yay, I'm glad I worked this out and have a plan.  It makes me feel better.

i have my period :(  i hate hate hate hate hate this feeling.  hey, at least i'm not pregnant, right?
SO.... remember how I've been super whiney about my boyfriend not loving me anymore?  Obviously all in my head.... look at what he bought me--- JUST BECAUSE!  I guess I can't expect to have a guy who shows his love in the way a female shows her love... but this is pretty darn good.  He is out of town this week, so I'm taking advantage of that with my eating.  Yesterday, I ate very healthy except for a few twizzlers, and went to cycle class.  I ended up at a 1,000 deficit.  I'm considering doing only fruits and vegetables today + liquids.  I think that sounds like a good idea.  I have lots of veggies that I need to eat, and I missed the gym today because I stayed up too late.
My weight isnt going down just yet... but maybe that has to do with the period.  My goal by the end of December is 134 lbs.
Last time I weighed myself, I was 150.  That is 16 lbs. 3 months.  5 lbs a month.  Doable?  Maybe if I take it seriously this time....

I am definitely doing better.  I am down 2 lbs and have gone to the gym pretty consistently since my last post.  I had my brother in town this weekend which meant lots of entertaining and lots of drinking/great food... but I tried to balance it out, and since Sunday I've done my best to only put healthy things in my body!

I am having an emotional breakdown, which is never fun.  For some reason I can't seem to shake the feeling that my boyfriend doesn't love me any more.  I have absolutely no basis for these thoughts... except for the fact that he doesn't say "I love you", only "I love you too."  And that is typical male, nothing to do with me.  Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how much I tell myself I'm being irrational, I'm still feeling this way.  Maybe I need my meds adjusted.

Boyfriend is also on a diet, which is more motivation for me to get skinny.  He had lost a lot of weight right before we started dating and has slowly been putting it back on.  We eat out all the time, and get frozen yogurt, and drink a bottle of wine in a sitting, etc.  This morning we were supposed to go to the gym together but the Braves were playing a big game and he wanted to stay up and watch it and by the time we got to bed and actually fell asleep, it was 1 am.

I'm trying to work on balancing out all the good stuff I'm doing with a little bit of bad stuff so I don't go crazy.  For instance, I'm considering going to the food trucks today at lunch to get a fish taco.  They are absolutely delicious, and probably pretty bad for you.  Honestly though, I'm not sure that's worth it to me right now.  Boyfriend and I are going on a double date tomorrow where there will be alcohol and dessert abound. 
I will eat a power bar for breakfast, a lean cuisine for lunch, and I'm going to someone's house for RoshHashana tonight.... where I intend to be good.

Everyone have a good day!

I have been MIA forever!!!  I've been reading pretty regularly, but no comments.  I like reading my new blogs, but I do I miss the old people.  I wonder if they've become like me?  Too consumed with life to write about their constant fears... or just giving up because it hasn't worked yet?

Most of you know that I am a CPA and work ridiculous hours most times of year.  I just finished a "busy season" ending September 15th... a month and a half where i did not see the inside of a gym.  We literally worked 12-15 hour days.  Sitting constantly.  THAT is my life.  It wasnt like my other busy season I've told you about, where I dont eat all day because I'm sitting all day at a client.  When I'm in the office, there is food everywhere.  Candy, catered lunches, bagels and donuts for breakfast.  It's insane.  Mind you, I only gained 3.5 pounds.  I call that a win..  because it is losable.  And my boyfriend and I are on a health streak to get the weight off.  I went to the gym Sunday and Monday, and I intend to keep it up.  I don't like the flabby untoned look I'm rocking right now.  I also want to do some eat-stop-eat work... but it can be difficult to fit that in.  I definitely can't fast today because I have a coworker in from out of town and am doing lunch with work people and dinner with her boyfriend.  Tomorrow I have dinner plans but could potentially fast until then.  I bought a lot of healthy foods this weekend- carrots, pears, turkey breast, whole wheat sandwich thins, hummus, whole grain cereal.  I need to EAT it, instead of letting it go to waste because I eat candy all day then feel bad.

Ahh well, I'll try to keep updating.  Good luck to me!!

I added a banner to the right of the blog for swag bucks... basically free money for searching the web.  I know i can spend an enormous amount of time looking for thinspo... might as well get paid for it!  click the banner to start... you can also download a toolbar with a search bar in it so its super easy to earn points.

i managed a 24 hour fast yesterday... and dinner was about 400 calories, so thats not bad for the day!!

 I've always considered myself someone who "can't do ______."  I like... put a label on myself and then immediately give up.  I can't be a runner, I can't be a faster, I cant be thin... etc.  I think it gives myself a reason to give up... or not even start in the first place.  This is a mentality a lot of people have when it comes to diet and exercise.  We put ourselves in a box because results don't come easy... and then we don't even try.  I am determined not to let that be me.  Results ARE hard to come by, because they require REAL work.  I've always thought to myself "Oh, I should start doing X, because then I will get to point Y" when in reality I actually need to START doing X to get to Y, not just thing about it.

Harlow got me into some health and fitness blogs (I don't keep up as much as I should), and one of the guys is a big proponent of intermittent fasting.  His program is called Eat Stop Eat...I've tried it a few times... its pretty hard for me.... and while I've completed it, I've said to myself "oh, well i did it once, so that's pretty good."  But we all know good things don't come easy.  You can't go to the gym ONCE and see results.  So... with all that being said, I am going to do this today, and I am going to look at my calendar and pick out 4-6 more days this month and report back