i have been surviving pretty well since Sunday.  granted, I've been working from 8-10 every single day, so I don't have much of a chance to go be sad or freaked out that my life is completely changing.  he's still in birmingham on a client, so it's not as if this week has been much different than normal.  usually we would talk during the day, but he had been pretty distant in the end, so it doesn't seem strange that i don't speak with him.  he has tried to IM me a couple of times.  he has nothing substantial to say... obviously just lonely and looking for attention.  i am definitely not the right person to give him that.  he'll ask me how i am, tell me about his blood type, etc etc.  i just tell him he should talk to someone who wants to listen, and to leave me alone.  i tried to convey to him that the only thing i really want to hear is how he is madly in love with me and how he has made the biggest mistake of his life.   not that i would believe him... and i think he's seen how angry i am that he won't pull another shit head move like that.  honestly... i just don't want much to do with him.  i don't deserve it.  you can't treat me that way and get away with it.... well, he can it seems.. but not ANOTHER time.  the ONLY way i would consider a reconciliation is if there was a huge grand gesture that came along with the "i love you"... and if any of that came any time in the next 2 months, i would completely ignore it.  regardless... i think its over.  you know if you know. and if you're unsure... you're obviously not in love.  moving on.

not easy i guess... because this evening i binged on a quesadilla and beer and onion rings.. and then as soon as i came home i purged.  so awful.  it is such a good stress release, but its not who i am and not who i want to be