My boyfriend of 9 months told me he wasn't sure if he loved me or if we had a future together. This is not the first time he has pulled this bullshit. Last time he said tr same thing, ad a few days later told me he truly loved me and just didn't realize it. Now he's telling me he just said that so i wouldnt leave him. What an ass. Wants me around while he figures it all out... But what if he NEVER falls? Then I'm stuck loving someone who doesn't love me back and have wasted all my time. He doesn't understand why I don't want to talk to him, but he has finally gotten the hint and stopped calling/ texting. Most of me wishes he would keep calling and telling me how miserable he is, but I know I'm just clinging to some crazy hope that probably doesn't exist. I hope that in a few weeks he will realize that I was great and perfect, and then we can resume talking. Even if that does happen, I can't trust that he truly means it, since he has used his words so selfishly before.
So that's what I'm dealing with. And it's not fun.

Just because it's the weekend doesn't mean it's time to give up. I still need to count and be good if I want to lose

Just a quick thought to start the day... I stayed at work last night until 10:30. I didn't get dinner while I was there, but did munch on some carrots. When I got home, I could have gone straight to bed, but instead I went into the kitchen and made some mozzarella sticks. Why? Does this mean I'm not disordered? Or am I just not trying hard enough to lose the weight? I know I care... I guess the question is how much....
In other news, my therapist says my antidepressant is known to cause weight gain. Angst free, or thin??

So even though its busy season I'm getting serious about weight loss.  I read something that said if you really want it, you'll do whatever it takes to get it it... and if you don't, you'll make excuses.  And I've been making excuses for a year.  Not cool.  I want to drop 15 lbs.  I want to live a healthy lifestyle.  And even though I can't exercise much right now because of my crazy work schedule.... I can control what goes into my mouth.  AND... its going to be fruits, vegetables, and protein!  No more chocolate and candy and comfort foods.  I started counting calories again on Saturday, and I'm going to keep it up.  No excuses.  No failing.  Chips taste so good while you're eating them.. not so much when they become a 3rd hip.

I'm going to post more.  At least try to post more... obviously something I havent been good at recently.

Ahhhh busy season once again. Left the office on Monday at 9:30 and got in at 7 Tuesday. Didn't get home last night til 10:30. 15 hour dayyyyy! I've been living on Ritalin this week and am almost down 4 lbs. I have been eating, but it's just not enough. For instance yesterday I had a chicken salad sandwich without the bread, and a cookie. I ate some candy too. Today will be better. If I'm going to eat, it's going to have nutritional value. But hopefully just no eating

I've been eating very well.. but i just cant bring myself to count the calories... WHY?


B: Cereal with Milk (granted, it wasnt the best cereal.. but oh well)
L: Sandwich with Turkey, Goat Cheese, Pesto, and Lettuce.  Oh, and chips.  Maybe 800 cals total
S: Watermelon
D: STUPID PIZZA.  Only 2 slices... and a beer.  If I hadn't gone to meet my boyfriend, I would have lost this morning.  That kills me.  I was planning to go home from spin class and not eat... or have more cereal.

Ugh.  I dont like gaining weight!

I've had my period all week so I haven't wanted to step on the scale... I have been keeping up with the exercise though!!  Running is getting easier- still not fun and I still can't run for long periods of time, but I usually do about 2-2.5 miles at a time.  Food wise I've been pretty healthy, except for this stupid cake in the breakroom my coworker brought in.  Two pieces monday and tuesday!  No wonder I wasn't hungry for any snacks on Monday.. and last night all I had was almonds and some of the disgusting cookies I baked.
I have somehow become very very poor.  Like... overdrafting at the end of the month type poor.  I am going to avoid any sort of eating out this month, and I'm not going to get my nails done either.  OR buy groupons.  Thats what kills me!! I am so eager to pay off my car I've been putting way too much money each month towards it... I'm so close!  Maybe I need to cut back there as well.  An extra month of interest probably wont kill me.  I also put a trip to Australia on my credit card... so I'd like to pay that off soon too. Leaving in April!